Saturday is blow diet day. good thing because brandl wedding day -- awesomeness!!
talking about 5 k. can't believe it's like 2 weeks away. freaking out. want to do something BIG. want to take limo to event and then go to founder's inn and get spa treatment and eat big buffet and stay in awesome room and "make love in a hammock!"
scott says, no - we should get a helicopter! and fly it from our private vinyard...
I mean, really -- does he have to mock my dreams all the time??
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Mental Part
Yesterday was the second official team workout for our biggest loser challenge. By their scales, I am down a total of 9 lbs since the challenge started. Woot!
I got to the gym a little bit early and after my weigh in I was talking to some of the ladies about their progress. One of the ladies was talking about the mental part of it. She said that she was really working on "the mental part." And this is something that I have been talking to a lot of my friends about this week, so I thought I'd write about it here.
Because, I think the "mental part" in a weight loss/fitness journey is inevitably going to be different for everyone, but I also think that there are common phases that we all go through. I think this commonality that makes the journey universally understandable for anyone who has gone through it. But when you say the mental part is hard, and I say it is -- I know we're talking about different things.
Here is MY mental part:
Let me start by re-emphasizing that before this year I had NEVER engaged in any kind of regular work-out routine, ever. When I previously lost 50 lbs, I was using Weight Watchers and I was much more active than I had been. I was walking about 30 minutes a day on my breaks and had also incorporated some strength training, but it wasn't hardcore. I wasn't breaking a sweat really, and I certainly was never challenging myself. If someone told me to do a 5k, I would have probably said, "Oh, that sounds like something I might be able to do one day..." I certainly would not have started trying to prepare for it.
And so my mental part is right now is kind of weird. I carry a certain amount of pride that I have started exercising and with my accomplishments. But I am also very impatient with the process. I'm mentally ready to do this, so why is my body not going along? Why do I have to walk a 3.3 when I should be doing a 4.0? Why do I still get cramps and get worn out? Doesn't my body know that I'm ready to do this? Why is it not getting with the program??
And my frustration with myself for not being able to do more NOW lends itself to darker places. Like jealousy over other people's accomplishments and abilities to do things. Like Scott being up to a 4 minute mile at a walk/run already. It's not that I'm not extremely proud of what he's doing, but I'm more than a little envious that we started at the same time and he's already so much further ahead of me. It's hard to remember that he was in much better shape than me when we started because of all the work he does outside in the yard and gardening. And he has FAR less to lose to get to the top of his target weight range as I do -- about half in fact. So, he's not carrying as much on his frame as I am. So, it's a mixed bag with him because I have to remember these things but he is also trying to push me to do a little more than I think I can. And usually he's right. But it's important for me to remember that I can't do as much as he can yet.
Yet.
But this is definitely my biggest mental challenge. The tightrope between making sure that I'm working out "hard enough" to make a difference, but not so hard that I get hurt or that I completely dread doing it. Right now, I'm not at the dread point at all. I've already started being awake when the alarm goes off. I'm setting goals for myself and not trying to make crazy stretch goals -- but constantly trying out new ways to keep myself motivated. I'm open to new ideas and encouragement and a little butt-kicking from time to time.
It's funny because I don't think about the food part of it that much at all. I'm tracking what I eat with an app on my phone. For the most part, I'm staying pretty well within my daily target range. Saturday is "blow-diet" day in the Lee house. We relax our eating habits and drink. Sunday is the turn. We're somewhat relaxed but I try to get the reins back on and if I drink, I only do so with dinner. I'm not planning on blowing my diet EVERY Saturday, but I want to have the freedom built in so I can compensate for it the rest of the week.
The reason I mention my diet was because during one of the ladies in the group asked me what I had been eating last week. I really struggled with an answer. Food? I've eaten all kinds of things. The spinach pie was featured in a couple of meals. Some chicken. Protein shakes. Chili. Fruits. Why? What are you eating??
I'll be more focused on the eating when the body challenge is over, because then I think it's going to be more important. Plus my plan is to go back to Weight Watchers once this is over, so I can finally achieve lifetime status and never have to pay again!
My goal this week is to do 40 minutes of cardio every morning and to do strength training 3 times, so I'm more prepared on Saturday!
Wish me luck!
In it to win it,
Heather
I got to the gym a little bit early and after my weigh in I was talking to some of the ladies about their progress. One of the ladies was talking about the mental part of it. She said that she was really working on "the mental part." And this is something that I have been talking to a lot of my friends about this week, so I thought I'd write about it here.
Because, I think the "mental part" in a weight loss/fitness journey is inevitably going to be different for everyone, but I also think that there are common phases that we all go through. I think this commonality that makes the journey universally understandable for anyone who has gone through it. But when you say the mental part is hard, and I say it is -- I know we're talking about different things.
Here is MY mental part:
Let me start by re-emphasizing that before this year I had NEVER engaged in any kind of regular work-out routine, ever. When I previously lost 50 lbs, I was using Weight Watchers and I was much more active than I had been. I was walking about 30 minutes a day on my breaks and had also incorporated some strength training, but it wasn't hardcore. I wasn't breaking a sweat really, and I certainly was never challenging myself. If someone told me to do a 5k, I would have probably said, "Oh, that sounds like something I might be able to do one day..." I certainly would not have started trying to prepare for it.
And so my mental part is right now is kind of weird. I carry a certain amount of pride that I have started exercising and with my accomplishments. But I am also very impatient with the process. I'm mentally ready to do this, so why is my body not going along? Why do I have to walk a 3.3 when I should be doing a 4.0? Why do I still get cramps and get worn out? Doesn't my body know that I'm ready to do this? Why is it not getting with the program??
And my frustration with myself for not being able to do more NOW lends itself to darker places. Like jealousy over other people's accomplishments and abilities to do things. Like Scott being up to a 4 minute mile at a walk/run already. It's not that I'm not extremely proud of what he's doing, but I'm more than a little envious that we started at the same time and he's already so much further ahead of me. It's hard to remember that he was in much better shape than me when we started because of all the work he does outside in the yard and gardening. And he has FAR less to lose to get to the top of his target weight range as I do -- about half in fact. So, he's not carrying as much on his frame as I am. So, it's a mixed bag with him because I have to remember these things but he is also trying to push me to do a little more than I think I can. And usually he's right. But it's important for me to remember that I can't do as much as he can yet.
Yet.
But this is definitely my biggest mental challenge. The tightrope between making sure that I'm working out "hard enough" to make a difference, but not so hard that I get hurt or that I completely dread doing it. Right now, I'm not at the dread point at all. I've already started being awake when the alarm goes off. I'm setting goals for myself and not trying to make crazy stretch goals -- but constantly trying out new ways to keep myself motivated. I'm open to new ideas and encouragement and a little butt-kicking from time to time.
It's funny because I don't think about the food part of it that much at all. I'm tracking what I eat with an app on my phone. For the most part, I'm staying pretty well within my daily target range. Saturday is "blow-diet" day in the Lee house. We relax our eating habits and drink. Sunday is the turn. We're somewhat relaxed but I try to get the reins back on and if I drink, I only do so with dinner. I'm not planning on blowing my diet EVERY Saturday, but I want to have the freedom built in so I can compensate for it the rest of the week.
The reason I mention my diet was because during one of the ladies in the group asked me what I had been eating last week. I really struggled with an answer. Food? I've eaten all kinds of things. The spinach pie was featured in a couple of meals. Some chicken. Protein shakes. Chili. Fruits. Why? What are you eating??
I'll be more focused on the eating when the body challenge is over, because then I think it's going to be more important. Plus my plan is to go back to Weight Watchers once this is over, so I can finally achieve lifetime status and never have to pay again!
My goal this week is to do 40 minutes of cardio every morning and to do strength training 3 times, so I'm more prepared on Saturday!
Wish me luck!
In it to win it,
Heather
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Just call me Sweaty in the Morning
I've started working out in the morning before work. That has been a challenge. I'm not a morning person, to say the least. But, since I LOVE getting it over with, I've been sucking it up and going. Today was my 3rd day in a row. And it is getting easier already.
Well, not the working out. I am still struggling to get through my cardio. I did 40 minutes today and it was a push. I even bought new shoes because I thought my problem was that I wasn't properly supported, but I still couldn't do the whole time on the dreadmill.
I asked Scott his opinion about machine jumping and he was against it, because he said you can't keep your target heart rate up if you're changing from machine to machine. I say that I can't keep it up if I have to stop every 2 minutes because my calves are screaming either, can I?
Which really makes me afraid about the 5k. I am really dreading it. Well, maybe dread is the wrong word, but I'm so nervous that I'm not going to finish or I'm going to be last. I just don't want to be the fat girl in gym.
Again.
Which is ironic because back when I took PE in school, I was not fat but I thought I was (because I was a teenager) and I was not in good shape. I couldn't run then either. And I didn't have the kind of confidence that I have now that I'm old and wise, so I couldn't fake my way through it either.
So, I think that I need to face the fact that I may not be able to run this 5k on March 12, that I may have to walk it. Rome wasn't built in a day and this ass ain't coming off in a week. I need to accept that. It is not going to be a short, sweet process. I can't do the Boston Marathon tomorrow. If I'm going to be able to finish the 5k and not be embarrassed, first I have to be able to walk and keep walking at a good pace.
Tomorrow, I am going to get on the dreadmill and I'm going to stay on for at least 30 minutes even if I have to slow to a crawl to get through it. I'm in it to win it -- but the it is ME!
winningly,
Heather
PS: Really my ultimate goal is to someday be half as inspiring as Ms. Bitchcakes is. It's her blog that got me turned on to weight loss blogging in the first place. I mean, the woman runs and climbs the Empire State Building in full hair and make-up. Me, I just want my blog to be as pretty as hers!
Well, not the working out. I am still struggling to get through my cardio. I did 40 minutes today and it was a push. I even bought new shoes because I thought my problem was that I wasn't properly supported, but I still couldn't do the whole time on the dreadmill.
I asked Scott his opinion about machine jumping and he was against it, because he said you can't keep your target heart rate up if you're changing from machine to machine. I say that I can't keep it up if I have to stop every 2 minutes because my calves are screaming either, can I?
Which really makes me afraid about the 5k. I am really dreading it. Well, maybe dread is the wrong word, but I'm so nervous that I'm not going to finish or I'm going to be last. I just don't want to be the fat girl in gym.
Again.
Which is ironic because back when I took PE in school, I was not fat but I thought I was (because I was a teenager) and I was not in good shape. I couldn't run then either. And I didn't have the kind of confidence that I have now that I'm old and wise, so I couldn't fake my way through it either.
So, I think that I need to face the fact that I may not be able to run this 5k on March 12, that I may have to walk it. Rome wasn't built in a day and this ass ain't coming off in a week. I need to accept that. It is not going to be a short, sweet process. I can't do the Boston Marathon tomorrow. If I'm going to be able to finish the 5k and not be embarrassed, first I have to be able to walk and keep walking at a good pace.
Tomorrow, I am going to get on the dreadmill and I'm going to stay on for at least 30 minutes even if I have to slow to a crawl to get through it. I'm in it to win it -- but the it is ME!
winningly,
Heather
PS: Really my ultimate goal is to someday be half as inspiring as Ms. Bitchcakes is. It's her blog that got me turned on to weight loss blogging in the first place. I mean, the woman runs and climbs the Empire State Building in full hair and make-up. Me, I just want my blog to be as pretty as hers!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Spinach pie
My oh my!
I got an iPhone and downloaded many, many apps right from the bat. Two of them have become my favorites -- the SparkPeople Recipe app and My Fitness Pal. If you don't know SparkPeople, head over there. GREAT resource for dieting tips and recipe central. I love the comments on the recipes -- they're usually along the lines of "this was really great, but I changed these 14 things." If it was so great, why did you do over the whole recipe? But it does give you a lot of pointers for tweaking, which is great. But, don't be fooled. We made a no bread egg mcmuffin knock off that was a bit of a disaster. DEFINITELY sort recipes by the number of ratings and then the highest rated. It may have 5 stars, but if only 7 people have posted that -- pass. I need more feedback. But, this was one of their recipes and it's super-good. I also tweaked it and added a little Canadian bacon, but it's still about 160 calories per slice so perfect lunch or breakfast.
The Fitness Pal app allows me to track what I'm eating and the exercise I'm doing. That way I can monitor my progress a little, plus it gives you little pep talks at the end of the day like "if you keep eating this way, you'll weigh 214 in 5 weeks." I mean, hello -- that's under 220, which is my first goal and knocking on the next 10 lbs -- SWEET!
It's time to go ni-ni -- have a good night!
Heather
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Quick check-in
I head back to work tomorrow after a week of staycation. Being home from work definitely made it easier to stick to a meal plan of a sorts and helped me stay on track with working out. I'm hoping this momentum will carry into next week.
I'm feeling pretty good about my progress and my mindset right now. The Lees have declared the weekend nights to be a bit of a blow your diet time, but even then I tried to stay somewhat in line. (Other than the 97 drinks I had last night, I mean! :) ) I'm looking forward to the cardio, kind of. I'm looking forward to being able to tolerate it, really. Well, by tolerate what I mean is able to do it and not feel like I'm going to die. Or puke. Or something. And I think I'm slowly getting in that direction, which is so great. The workout yesterday was tough, but I don't feel awful today and really just generally feeling proud of myself for making it through.
This weeks challenges will be getting up in time to workout before work and staying on track with eating. We made this really funny breakfast casserole that didn't turn out quite like the picture in the recipe. I can't wait to try it -- I'll have to post a photo.
Short and sweet -- hugs,
me
I'm feeling pretty good about my progress and my mindset right now. The Lees have declared the weekend nights to be a bit of a blow your diet time, but even then I tried to stay somewhat in line. (Other than the 97 drinks I had last night, I mean! :) ) I'm looking forward to the cardio, kind of. I'm looking forward to being able to tolerate it, really. Well, by tolerate what I mean is able to do it and not feel like I'm going to die. Or puke. Or something. And I think I'm slowly getting in that direction, which is so great. The workout yesterday was tough, but I don't feel awful today and really just generally feeling proud of myself for making it through.
This weeks challenges will be getting up in time to workout before work and staying on track with eating. We made this really funny breakfast casserole that didn't turn out quite like the picture in the recipe. I can't wait to try it -- I'll have to post a photo.
Short and sweet -- hugs,
me
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Body challenge post
Today was the first official work out of the body challenge.
OMG.
I'm writing this as soon as possible, because I don't think I'll be able to use my arms much longer. :)
It was an hour strength circuit. Speed moves on arms, legs and abs with a dash of cardio thrown in to make sure your heart rate never drops. It was intense. Some of the things I couldn't even do, particularly anything that involved upper body strength. No push-ups, for sure. Mountain climbers? Fuhgeddaboutit. I tried my darnedest though and I'll keep trying and keep pushing because I'm going to do this thing!
And in 4 weeks we're going to be doing a 5k! Yikes! I'm trying to work up to being able to at least walk a 15 minute mile, so that way if I can walk/run it I'll at least finish under 45 minutes. Because the day of the 5k, we're still going to work out afterwards! Yikes again!
And my weight loss? 4 lbs on their scale -- 6 on mine, but with less clothes. :)
My first goal is to be under 200 at the end of the challenge, really. I'd like to win, sure. But, to lose 24 pounds in 12 weeks is totally do-able, especially with the amount of working out I've been doing.
I'm all over the place. Time to eat!
OMG.
I'm writing this as soon as possible, because I don't think I'll be able to use my arms much longer. :)
It was an hour strength circuit. Speed moves on arms, legs and abs with a dash of cardio thrown in to make sure your heart rate never drops. It was intense. Some of the things I couldn't even do, particularly anything that involved upper body strength. No push-ups, for sure. Mountain climbers? Fuhgeddaboutit. I tried my darnedest though and I'll keep trying and keep pushing because I'm going to do this thing!
And in 4 weeks we're going to be doing a 5k! Yikes! I'm trying to work up to being able to at least walk a 15 minute mile, so that way if I can walk/run it I'll at least finish under 45 minutes. Because the day of the 5k, we're still going to work out afterwards! Yikes again!
And my weight loss? 4 lbs on their scale -- 6 on mine, but with less clothes. :)
My first goal is to be under 200 at the end of the challenge, really. I'd like to win, sure. But, to lose 24 pounds in 12 weeks is totally do-able, especially with the amount of working out I've been doing.
I'm all over the place. Time to eat!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Slippery slope
I AM sorry for the much delayed post about the start of the body challenge at the gym (aka the biggest loser). It's been a crazy few days since then -- more on this in a moment...
The kick-off for the challenge was on Saturday at 9 a.m. There was no work-out this time, it was informational only. The owner of our gym owns 3 gyms in the area, so the three teams are each of the gyms. It's a 12 week challenge. The first Saturday of each month we meet up for a "club challenge" where all three teams compete against each other in a work out at Mt. Trashmore. (Just in case some non-local wandered on here, Mt. Trashmore is a local recreation place that was indeed made out of trash.) The other Saturdays we have an hour long meeting at the gym which includes a "fun" work-out and an informational topic.
At the kick-off, they gave us the food plan and the exercise goals. I won't get too mired in the exercise goals -- lots of cardio and strength training. It's not rocket surgery, after all. They strongly suggest doing cardio in the morning. Yesterday, I did get up at 6:30 am and did 30 minutes of cardio before I had to go to a doctor's appointment at 8:30. Today, I was not as good but it was because I had to leave so early to take my mom to an outpatient surgery and I'm just not ready to get up at 5:00 am for anyone. Yet. When I am back at work next week (I'm on staycation this week), I may have to get up a bit before 6:00 in order to get to the gym and back and showered, etc in the right amount of time. I'm working on it.
I've NEVER been an early riser or someone who thrives on being up in the morning. Many years ago I had a 6am shift at my job (can you imagine?), but I still wasn't ever raring to go. BUT, part of the diet challenge is that they want us to try not to drink coffee. SO, getting up and going to the gym totally eliminates the need for coffee. I mean, I'm saying this after one day, but trust me -- I didn't miss it at all yesterday. Not that I'm a caffeine-a-holic, I usually have one travel mug a day. But, it's just the idea of it.
ESPECIALLY with all of the dietary restrictions on the new diet... It's definitely challenging. SO challenging that Scott and I spent like 3 hours on Sunday trying to figure out what we were going to eat. I'm afraid I'm still not 100% on target, but I'm working on it. It's a focus on a specific caloric, protein, carb and fat goals. It's targeted eating based on a weight where I have less fat or something. It's not the end target weight -- the weight the calculations are based on is 210. I think the targets get lower as the weeks go on. I'm supposed to eat about 1833 calories a day and there are other targets for fat, protein and carbohydrates. I'm not doing so hot on the protein so far. The protein goal is like 229 or something. It is very hard to eat that much protein in a day, we're finding. Especially while trying to keep fat and carbs down to a minimum. Very challenging! But one of the keys things with the diet plan is that they never want you to feel hungry so they want you to eat something every 2-3 hours. I'm also failing at that. In part because I had a 4 hour trip to the MRI yesterday which of course put me way off track.
The crazy days in general have been wreaking havoc. I didn't workout Friday through Sunday, and there was a lot of bad eating behavior on Saturday when we were confronted with the challenges of the weeks to come.
And here's where the title comes in. The slippery slope. When I don't do everything 100% correct -- which how often is that really going to happen? -- I start to beat myself up a little. And that leads to a lot. I don't want to beat myself up. That's the point of why I started doing this in the first place. Started changing my life.
And that's the thing. I'm changing my life. A life that's been going in the wrong direction for a while healthwise and it's not going to change in a few weeks. It's going to take time. BUT. Where is the line between allowing myself some room for mistakes and sliding down the slope into all of my bad old habits again? I don't want to forgive myself but so much, you know? If I skip a day of cardio because my mom had surgery, is that forgivable? What if it's just because I don't wanna?
And don't get me started on the self-abuse for not starting strength training yet. Sigh. It's a slippery slope, and I definitely need some traction.
hugs,
Heather
The kick-off for the challenge was on Saturday at 9 a.m. There was no work-out this time, it was informational only. The owner of our gym owns 3 gyms in the area, so the three teams are each of the gyms. It's a 12 week challenge. The first Saturday of each month we meet up for a "club challenge" where all three teams compete against each other in a work out at Mt. Trashmore. (Just in case some non-local wandered on here, Mt. Trashmore is a local recreation place that was indeed made out of trash.) The other Saturdays we have an hour long meeting at the gym which includes a "fun" work-out and an informational topic.
At the kick-off, they gave us the food plan and the exercise goals. I won't get too mired in the exercise goals -- lots of cardio and strength training. It's not rocket surgery, after all. They strongly suggest doing cardio in the morning. Yesterday, I did get up at 6:30 am and did 30 minutes of cardio before I had to go to a doctor's appointment at 8:30. Today, I was not as good but it was because I had to leave so early to take my mom to an outpatient surgery and I'm just not ready to get up at 5:00 am for anyone. Yet. When I am back at work next week (I'm on staycation this week), I may have to get up a bit before 6:00 in order to get to the gym and back and showered, etc in the right amount of time. I'm working on it.
I've NEVER been an early riser or someone who thrives on being up in the morning. Many years ago I had a 6am shift at my job (can you imagine?), but I still wasn't ever raring to go. BUT, part of the diet challenge is that they want us to try not to drink coffee. SO, getting up and going to the gym totally eliminates the need for coffee. I mean, I'm saying this after one day, but trust me -- I didn't miss it at all yesterday. Not that I'm a caffeine-a-holic, I usually have one travel mug a day. But, it's just the idea of it.
ESPECIALLY with all of the dietary restrictions on the new diet... It's definitely challenging. SO challenging that Scott and I spent like 3 hours on Sunday trying to figure out what we were going to eat. I'm afraid I'm still not 100% on target, but I'm working on it. It's a focus on a specific caloric, protein, carb and fat goals. It's targeted eating based on a weight where I have less fat or something. It's not the end target weight -- the weight the calculations are based on is 210. I think the targets get lower as the weeks go on. I'm supposed to eat about 1833 calories a day and there are other targets for fat, protein and carbohydrates. I'm not doing so hot on the protein so far. The protein goal is like 229 or something. It is very hard to eat that much protein in a day, we're finding. Especially while trying to keep fat and carbs down to a minimum. Very challenging! But one of the keys things with the diet plan is that they never want you to feel hungry so they want you to eat something every 2-3 hours. I'm also failing at that. In part because I had a 4 hour trip to the MRI yesterday which of course put me way off track.
The crazy days in general have been wreaking havoc. I didn't workout Friday through Sunday, and there was a lot of bad eating behavior on Saturday when we were confronted with the challenges of the weeks to come.
And here's where the title comes in. The slippery slope. When I don't do everything 100% correct -- which how often is that really going to happen? -- I start to beat myself up a little. And that leads to a lot. I don't want to beat myself up. That's the point of why I started doing this in the first place. Started changing my life.
And that's the thing. I'm changing my life. A life that's been going in the wrong direction for a while healthwise and it's not going to change in a few weeks. It's going to take time. BUT. Where is the line between allowing myself some room for mistakes and sliding down the slope into all of my bad old habits again? I don't want to forgive myself but so much, you know? If I skip a day of cardio because my mom had surgery, is that forgivable? What if it's just because I don't wanna?
And don't get me started on the self-abuse for not starting strength training yet. Sigh. It's a slippery slope, and I definitely need some traction.
hugs,
Heather
Friday, February 4, 2011
More on the brain
Here's how I know the brain is willing -- I have a kind of looking forward to exercising mental outlook. However, it's not the "I can't wait to get to the gym!" feeling that I thought would happen. It's more "I can't wait to get to the gym so I can get that OVER with!"
But, that's better than nothing, I know.
I had this talk with Scott the other day about how weird it working out at my work gym because unlike a "strange" gym, I know the people working out and feel weird being around them. I said it's like elevator time -- this uncomfortable span of time hanging out with people and not really talking to them. He said that it's more like bathroom time. Still uncomfortable, but you've got business to do while you're in there so you just do your business in close proximity to other people and move on with your life. So, sometimes you're going to do things that are embarrassing but you just have to do them and get over caring that these people are there.
That helps, oddly.
It was how I managed to do a full 30 minutes on the elliptical last night! Yay! (Again, I don't always want to be "I did this much cardio, this much blah blah" but sometimes I just can't help it!) I was very much impressed with myself. I even got some strength training in from patting myself on the back, ha ha.
I didn't think I was going to make it, but I was saved by music again. I'm still working on trying to get the right blend of music while at the gym and that's hard with the obscure blend of music I have here, you have NO idea. So, while I'm on the elliptical I'm almost at the 20 minute mark and I just want to quit. I'm rationalizing, I've done 20 minutes and therre is NOTHING wrong with that. And I do really believe that, because 20 minutes is better than 0 or even than 10. And then, I can't hear any music. I'm like, oh great my stupid ipod is on the fritz again. Then I realize it is the slow, torturous build-up to Troy by Sinead O'Connor.
I know, right? The phoenix from the flame, hello?!
Of course, if you don't know this song, this post will mean NOTHING to you, and I'm sorry. And really, if you first hear this song over the age of 16 I doubt it will mean anything to you. But because this was THE high school angst song and it has this burning slow build-up to this crescendo of love and hate and jealousy and just sheer I'm a fricking survivor and I'm going to do this thing if it is the last thing I EVER freaking do in my life...
Needless to say, it was EXACTLY what the fates ordered to push me to the end. After that was over, I didn't look at the last 5 minutes as being challenging at all. It was just something I had to do because I was still standing.
The Phoenix from the Flame is OUT!
Heather
But, that's better than nothing, I know.
I had this talk with Scott the other day about how weird it working out at my work gym because unlike a "strange" gym, I know the people working out and feel weird being around them. I said it's like elevator time -- this uncomfortable span of time hanging out with people and not really talking to them. He said that it's more like bathroom time. Still uncomfortable, but you've got business to do while you're in there so you just do your business in close proximity to other people and move on with your life. So, sometimes you're going to do things that are embarrassing but you just have to do them and get over caring that these people are there.
That helps, oddly.
It was how I managed to do a full 30 minutes on the elliptical last night! Yay! (Again, I don't always want to be "I did this much cardio, this much blah blah" but sometimes I just can't help it!) I was very much impressed with myself. I even got some strength training in from patting myself on the back, ha ha.
I didn't think I was going to make it, but I was saved by music again. I'm still working on trying to get the right blend of music while at the gym and that's hard with the obscure blend of music I have here, you have NO idea. So, while I'm on the elliptical I'm almost at the 20 minute mark and I just want to quit. I'm rationalizing, I've done 20 minutes and therre is NOTHING wrong with that. And I do really believe that, because 20 minutes is better than 0 or even than 10. And then, I can't hear any music. I'm like, oh great my stupid ipod is on the fritz again. Then I realize it is the slow, torturous build-up to Troy by Sinead O'Connor.
I know, right? The phoenix from the flame, hello?!
Of course, if you don't know this song, this post will mean NOTHING to you, and I'm sorry. And really, if you first hear this song over the age of 16 I doubt it will mean anything to you. But because this was THE high school angst song and it has this burning slow build-up to this crescendo of love and hate and jealousy and just sheer I'm a fricking survivor and I'm going to do this thing if it is the last thing I EVER freaking do in my life...
Needless to say, it was EXACTLY what the fates ordered to push me to the end. After that was over, I didn't look at the last 5 minutes as being challenging at all. It was just something I had to do because I was still standing.
The Phoenix from the Flame is OUT!
Heather
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
the brain is willing
I'm still struggling with self-motivation. Every bit of exercise I do, I try to give myself credit for. But, also try to not make that a reason to eat a cheesecake.
Or drink a bottle of wine.
Or, well you get the idea.
The blogs on the right help a lot. Ms. Bitchcakes is probably my biggest motivator. You just get the idea if you met her, she'd be your cheerleader and giving you pointers and stuff. And she was like me -- sedentary and really hated exercise. But, way more glamourous than I -- she has full hair, make-up (including lashes) and jewelry while she works out. She even rides her bike in heels! CA-razy cool!
Here's my deal. My brain is willing, but because it's willing it doesn't understand when my body hurts. And it inhibits my motivation. It's hard to work up the nerve to go do something that I know is going to hurt. How do I get over that? It's really a struggle.
I know that my biggest issue is failure to stretch. I need to work on that. I think I'd hurt a lot less if I stretched. But, how long to stretch? Because even when I feel like I get a good stretch in, just a few minutes into the treadmill my calves seize and I'm toast. It's very frustrating.
If my ultimate goal is to be able to run one day, how can I get there if I can't even use the freaking treadmill? I've tried warming up longer, I've tried using different inclines, I'm doing it manually. I used to be a treadmill snob -- I just thought it was so "easy." It's just walking, I do that all the time. HA! Obviously not! My inability to walk on the treadmill is actually the primary reason that I started mixing up my cardio. I am working up to 30 minutes, as I've said, and it's a combination of treadmill, elliptical and stairmaster. But, I still feel strangely like this is "cheating" and that it doesn't count unless I can do 30 straight minutes on one machine. Maybe because my heart rate drops while I switch machines? Maybe because I don't feel like I"m going to die afterwards?
Do I NEED to feel like I'm going to die? That just doesn't seem right. If I'm not drenched in sweat, does that mean I didn't work out? I mean, don't get me wrong -- I'm sweaty. But, I can usually talk and I can walk and stuff.
Saturday starts the Biggest Loser competition -- and I'm getting freaked out! I'm worried the diet is going to be crazy restrictive and I have tons of challenges in the next few weeks.
'nuff rambling for now!
hugs,
Heather
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