Another 5K?

I'm thinking about doing the Jingle Bell 5k Run/Walk.  It's on December 1.  BFF Tina was like, you just complained about how cold this race was in October and now you want to do one in December?  And since I need to talk her into doing it, so I don't have that awkward feeling I talked about in my last post, I need to get to work on the pressuring.

I just like having something to train for, it gives me the motivation I need to get off the couch.

What's the trick to running in the cold?  Is it the gear?  Layers?  I'm looking for some feedback.

I haven't signed up yet, but I have til November 17th to commit and get my swag.  I like the idea of doing this one because of the costumes but it's also the day of my company holiday party, so I'd be well set up to feel like I earned the party hardy.

That's the post-race update for now.  I thought I'd post a short one to keep up the posting momentum and encourage you to keep coming around to read.  :)

hugs,

Heather

Catch up with photos

Not a WHOLE going on in Heather's Fat News...  I've recently been taking some bathroom shots at work, so I'm adding them here for posterity.  Thanks everyone for all of the positive feedback on the red dress.  I DO love that dress and just felt AWESOME in it.  The polka dot was actually a blast from the past.  I wore this to BFF Tina's wedding in 2007 and I can finally fit in it again.  I was feeling super sassy in that too, until someone said I looked like Minnie Mouse.  What?!  

Still trying to get ready for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  Finally actually did the correct 5k I mapped out in my neighborhood.  I really need to run more often than twice a week, but I also need to do a lot of things.  One thing at a time.  I recently started writing a blog post about ways to make work outs fun.  The thing that exercise enthusiasts are always preaching about.  I had this crazy idea -- girls' night out bootcamp.  You get together with your girls and work out to earn activity points (or pre-burn calories, whatever your thing is) to go out and party like a rock star.  An added bonus is a little extra tightness to wear your favorite party dress!  A skew tangent version of this would be to plan activity dates with the girls.  One of my best friends at work (BFAW) and I have been going to Mount Trashmore after work and doing a loop.  And of course, my original BFAW inspires me to go for walks at work all the time.  The bottom photo is just a random shot from the USAA walk.

And the middle torn jeans photo?  Well, that was an old pair of jeans that got torn at the thighs from my fat pushing out...  And now they're too big!  I bought a replacement pair one size down at Old Navy this weekend.  They only had one pair my new size in the style I like in the store.  Which turns out to be a blessing, because they're the slip down style that the young people seem so fond of these days.  My old favorite style is no longer being made.  Boo!  Still, SO nice to finally be down a pants size.  Losing 40 pounds and only down two pants sizes since the journey started?!  I mean, that's crazy right?  I think because this time I'm incorporating so much more exercise than I ever did the last time that perhaps there's more muscle there.  But, things are trending in the right direction -- I was finally able to buy 2 pairs of almost knee high boots.  Something that my luscious calves would never have let me do before!

I don't want to over-sell the things are going great position.  I've definitely been sabotaging myself a lot lately.  I mean, just because you can mix vodka with water by using drink mix packs in doesn't mean you should....  To excess, anyway.  There have been a few slip ups with bags of food and tying them on like a feedbag.  Some remembered, some, uh, not.  I have definitely learned that even healthy crunchy food is still a trigger that I CANNOT have around.  I'm just glad that it was healthy so I could minimized some of the shock and horror I felt when it was over.  It will be a while before apple or veggie straws are here again.  

This week I'm going to work on getting back to basics.  Making sure I get at least 2 activity points in a day, minimizing the weeknight drinking and getting back to religiously tracking.  I'm pretty good with tracking, but I've slipped a bit this weekend and I don't want this to become a habit.  

Huh, I guess more to report than I thought.  I'm off to watch the Emmys -- have a great week!

hugs,

Heather

Laboring to get back on track

And so now begins the work of reining back in and getting back on track.

Overindulgence weekend is drawing to a close and it was definitely devolving into sabotage. I'm not going to get into all the gory details. But there were definitely a lot of beverages and that means that I'm not sure what all I ate. There were many un-point friendly choices. I hydrated a lot and I definitely think that was important.  But, not enough.  That scale photo from 9/1?  I've got a lot of work to get back there, even if it is new weight.

Yes, the "new weight" I alluded to in my earlier post.  It's weight you've put on in a short period of time.  While losing weight is never easy, this is the easiest weight to take off.  For me, this weekend's weight is new weight.  Last glance at the scale had me at 194.  Now, 190 was something that hasn't been seen as regularly as I'd like -- but 194 was also behind me.  I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle.  But part of what's going to get me back to "the truth" is knuckling down. 

Step one started today, but as usual with me it was a bit of a clumsy start.  As you know, I'm doing the Susan G Komen 5k on October 13.  I am still working on getting over my outdoor running anxiety.  Today, I woke up and decided that I was going to work on that NOW.  I used Map My Walk and created a 5k loop in my 'hood.  Got dressed and prepared to hit the road.  I decided I was just going to walk the whole thing.  Just so I could remember what a 5k felt like and get acclimated to being outside, blah blah blah.  Less than the half mile mark, it started to drizzle ever so slightly.  Barely enough to be alarmed about.  I was at a part of my 'hood that I have walked dozens of times because it's the path to talk our dog Charlie to the park.  I was going to venture past my comfort zone into heretofore unchartered neighborhood territory...  It was exciting.  Unfortunately, just after I hit the one mile mark (I know this because the nice lady from Map My Walk told me), it started to rain a bit more.  The one mile mark happened to coincide with being near the point of no return.  I had passed the last recognizable spot to make a quick escape back home.  I was going to try to force myself through it, but then I realized -- who am I kidding?  I circled back and jogged/walked the rest of the way home. 

I was only gone 22 minutes and made it 1.41 miles.

Still, it's a start.  I know the course now.  It will still be there in the weeks ahead.  And I will try again.  And I WILL succeed!

I'm tracking again after falling off of that.  I'm thinking about restarting my weekly points today so I can have an easier start.  I'm on the fence about that. 

Anyways, now I'm being summoned to start the rest of my day -- and we're off!

hugs,
Heather

Reflection leads to action

One of the things I regret the most about the time that I wasn't blogging regularly is that I like to go back and read past posts in order to gauge my progress.  This is one of the reasons I blog.  It's one of the reasons I decided to start posting a scale photo at the beginning of every month.  Since I wasn't blogging last summer during the Summer of Lovehandles, I don't have comparison with where I'm at now.

But, now as we are -- sadly -- winding down and summer and heading in to Fall, I am getting close to where I picked up writing again.  I picked up this gem from the end of September, which is mostly all reflective and gave us the mantra "today is just today."  But at the end, I write about a gym visit, and I stated that I did an under 16 minute mile.  Well, yesterday I did 3.27 miles on the old dreadmill and my pace was 14:14 minutes/mile.  AND that was mostly running!  This comparison to how far I've come and the fact that I ran almost the whole thing...  It all gave me the confidence to FINALLY sign up for another 5k!  

Oh my God!

It's for Susan G. Komen for the Cure and it's on October 13.  As soon as I figure out how, I'll try to set up a way if you'd like to donate on behalf of my fundraising.  Here's the link to the Susan G. Komen Tidewater homepage until I can figure something else out.

Holy crap, this means I will really need to get over my anxiousness about running outside.  I want to try to run the whole thing and my goal is to do it in 40 minutes or less.  I think this is a VERY reasonable, attainable goal given where I am right now and the fact that I have 2 months (almost) to train.

Excited, nervous, scared...  But, hey -- at least I've got something new to write about!  :)

hugs,

Heather

Fat brain

Here's a side-effect of working out that doesn't get mentioned a lot, I bet.  Even though physically I am still quite overweight, I don't really feel like a "fat girl" a lot of the time.  I have to remind myself that there are people who still see me this way.

But, "fat girls" don't do 5ks.  Or get up at 5 a.m. to exercise.  Or even attempt to count calories. 

So, I can't be a fat girl, because I do all of those things. 

But, it's funny, because the mirror and my pants -- they still think I'm a fat girl.  They reflect this person back to me, and I think, "who is THIS broad?  She looks like a fat girl, that can't be me."

I frequently battle with myself because I'm doing this thing backwards from how I did it before.  I'm exercising more first and trying to get my diet in order second.  (The folks at the Body Challenge definitely think I should be doing both, but this is what is currently sustainable for the long haul.)  But, the biggest difference is that when I did the diet first last time, it took a loooooong time before I stopped thinking I was a fat girl.  This time, it's only taken a month-ish.  It's probably the 5k, but maybe it's also just the working out most every day.  All I know is that it's a good feeling.  Despite the ups and downs (and you know this is just one of the most recent examples), I know I don't have a fat brain anymore.  I cannot imagine going back to being a full-time couch potato again, and I frequently am trying to incrementally add more ways to exercise into my life and my plan.  I'm still somewhat stuck, but it's a goal that I know I will achieve. 

I'm going to sign off now, but let me again tell you...  I do NOT love exercise yet.  I still dread going to the gym, it is still so very hard to do the work-out.  Do not let all of this glowy posting fool you.  Exercise is hard, hard, hard when your body is overweight and it doesn't get super-easy just because you do it a lot.  But, it does become a habit AND it is noticeable when you do it, even when you don't see the number on the scale change.  This is the subtle nuance...  I don't feel better that I did it, I feel better because I got it done.  Does that make sense? 

It will when you start, I promise!  Fat back guarantee if I'm wrong!!  :)

hugs,

Heather

5K DAY!

Today was the day!  Halfway through the Body Challenge and today I (along with Scott, of course) finished my first ever 5k!

What a great experience!

It was a really pretty sunny day.  Kind of a chilly, but didn't wear a coat because I kind of thought I'd be warm enough by the end.  The race started at 8, and we were told to be there by 7.  We got there right at 7 and still had to wait in line to get our numbers.  Then it was a lot of waiting and anticipation.

And then I saw KILLER KOPECKY!  That was so awesome!  What a motivating sight, she was.  Her boys go to Cox High School (where the race was held) and she was doing a "short run" for the school.  It was very emotional for me seeing her and I got a little choked up.  But, I sucked it up and we made it for the start line. 

And then Lora (that's Scott's Mom) showed up.  So nice to have a cheering section!  And someone to take pictures at the end.  (I have no idea how Ms. Bitchcakes takes all those pictures while she is doing her events.)

We did our pre-start warm up with the gym.  I was all lined up and ready to go and then when the starting buzz when off -- I had a music malfunction!  See, I had my music all ready to go, but I wanted to hear the starting buzzer so I paused it, then my hands were too cold to start it.  I was trying to jog and fix it and then slowed into my walk.  Most of the pack was in front of me -- including Scott -- but there were some folks behind me.  When I hit mile 1, I was a little concerned about my pace but then I checked the time and I was staying at 17 minutes.  Got a little vahklempt with pride for myself.  I mean, frankly, for my first 5k and my fitness level -- that was my goal, to finish at an average 17 minute mile.  Not ambitious, I know, but realistic.

I won't bore you with the details of the route, but trust me it was through some beautiful homes and everyone was so friendly along the way. 

When I finally got to to the finish line on the track at Cox High School, I wanted to sprint more than I did but when I hit the track the wind was in my face and I was not trying to recreate a song from the 80's.  And when I hit the track and saw the 3 mile sign and it was really almost over, I almost started crying.  I was really choked up and emotional but I talked myself out of crying because I wouldn't have the air to sprint to the finish.  I rounded the corner and ran as fast as my fat little beautiful legs would take me.

52:02.

Under a 17 minute mile, can you believe it?

Me, who hasn't been physically active pretty much ever in my life and now I have finished my first 5k.

And I placed!  I mean, it was 21 out of 21, but I still had my name on the list of people who finished.  (I've decided that there must have been more than 21 people in my age group to make it mean more.)

Anyways, so that was my day.  Great day, great accomplishment.  Thank you all for listening and going along for the ride with me!

Now it's off to well-earned massages!

big hugs,
Heather

Backslide...?

Last post was written after I'd already been indulging at the wedding a scosh. Although the time stamp seems off...

Anyways... It would seem that this week is representing a bit of a backslide for me. I'm trying to get my traction and dig in and push past it, but it's been really hard.

First, last week I "only" lost a pound. And yes, I know losing a pound is better than gaining, but it's still challenging. I am not unconditionally under 220 yet because of the overindulgences. More on this in a second.

Second, my backslide seems to have carried its evil way into my cardio. I was really starting to get a momentum going. Last week, I worked out every day and did 40 minutes on the treadmill for 3 days and 30 minutes on the elliptical the other days. It was a little rough, but I pushed through it. This week, I feel like I'm starting all over with my battle with the dreadmill. I can't go for more than 15 minutes without my calves tightening to the point of difficulty walking. When this was happening last week, I either slowed down significantly or stopped and stretched out and I was able to get past it. But I haven't been able to stretch past it so far this week. And there's that 5k looming over me.

So now, even though it's only been a couple of days, I'm starting to dread going to work out. Because I can't help but think, what if I never get past this? What if this always hurts and I'm just this wimp forever? And I get harder and harder on myself and it contributes to this downward spiral that doesn't lead to anywhere good.

It's still part of that emotional thing. I think I should be able to do this. In fact, my girlfriend and I went walking on Sunday and I had to slow her down significantly. She said, "I thought you'd be zooming past me with all this time you're spending at the gym." Nope, I'm just going to the gym so I can get to the point of zooming past you.

I think that part of the build up is the 5k looming. If it weren't coming, I wouldn't sweat not being able to walk on the treadmill. I'd just keep trying to do it until I could do it and work out on the elliptical and the bike in between. But because I know I'm just days away from doing this 5k, I'm freaking out. What if I can't do it? What if I can't finish?

What if I'm just same old disappointing Heather again?

It's a tough battle. It gets lonely.

And I am sure that this is part of the overindulgences. It's easy to give in and not fight temptation. It's easy to sabotage myself. That's my wheelhouse, right?

I know that I need to start keeping some motivational sticky notes and pictures on my mirror or something but I'm not even sure if that would work.

I think I may be getting some kind of mental cold. This happens sometimes, it's like the sniffles in my brain. A mild form of the blues. I keep waiting for the exercise endorphins to kick in and make me feel like I can cure cancer, but so far they haven't been kicking in.

I don't want to give up. I'm not going to give up. But I am really frustrated with my body right now and I just need to figure out how to get it to behave. That's all.