Best. Week. EVER.

5k/Susan G Komen day came at the end of a crazy, amazing week for me. (Cra-mazing?)  The week started with me finding out that one of my work calls had won a contest that got me an official NFL jersey.  I'm not a football fan, as anyone knows, but the timing was perfect and it was all around exciting to have won.

Why was the timing perfect?  Because I had my interview for the Senior Claims Adjuster promotion on Wednesday and I knocked it out of the park -- and got the job!!  The amount of happy dancing that went on was ridiculous -- not to mention the vanity shots!  (The dress is what I was wearing when I found out, not for the interview.)  Right after I found out, I was going down one of our infamous long hallways and my director was coming towards me.  I still wasn't able to tell anyone, but of course he knew.  So I got into one of the little nooks in the wall where only he would see me and did what I can only describe as a Muppet themed silent screaming happy dance.  He was falling out laughing, it was just such a great moment.

But because of the lead up to this and the subsequent celebrating, there was not much in the way of training.  I went to the gym on Tuesday night and that was it.  Wednesday was the night of the interview and I went to WW and found out that I got the 1 pound off that I had just put back on (and frankly will probably be there again this week) and then had a great dinner with Scott and my cousin Mary Margaret who happened to be in town.  At this point, I was already getting feedback that the interview went well and I was pretty sure I was going to get the job, but of course you don't know til you know.  Thursday was the day I found out and there was much indulgence that evening with some of my favorite ladies to celebrate.  And then I didn't want to over-do it last night, so I didn't run then either.  I did do 30 minutes on my new stepper, so I feel like I got a little something in...

And today -- the race!  My husband couldn't be roused, so I had to make the trek down by myself.  I was a bundle of nerves about participating by myself (with 1000's of people, but you know what I mean) and this feeling was just further emphasized when I got there.  As I was driving in I was passing all kinds of pink-clad groups wearing tutus and pink wigs and just generally in good spirits.  I had, obviously, never done anything this size and magnitude and just never really thought about the costumes or just how many people would be there, etc.  Because the amount of people was crazy!  I found the group from my gym, but my awkward feeling continued because I don't really know anyone from my gym.   I don't take classes or work with a trainer or anything like that.  I got there just too late to be in the group picture and even felt weird asking someone to take one for me.  (The shy side of Heather, who knew?)  It was 7:15 and the race didn't start until 8:30.  It just seemed to take forever, but then suddenly it was time and we were corralling towards the corral like cattle.

So many things were going through my head the whole time.  The meaning behind the event and the woman from my gym that I had just met who was in her 5th year of survivorship.  Thinking about how freaking cold I was!  Thinking about how I no longer cared what my time was, I just wanted to be done and say that I was done.  Thinking about women and how freaking amazing we are and how so many have been through so many things and survived so much and how so many have to go through that journey alone.  Thinking that no matter how awkward I was feeling about the whole thing, just proud that I signed up for the thing, showed up for the thing and did the thing.

Anyways, I started the timer on my map my walk app so I could try to track my actual time since I didn't get a chip, but it turned out that wasn't that accurate since we were herded there for a while without starting.  Oh well. Once the crowd started dissipating, I finally got to a bit of a jog and had a decent pace.  It was definitely a combo of walking and running the whole thing.  I just would pick random landmarks and try to make it to one of those before walking.  And then I would pick another random landmark that I would have to start running again.  It was very brisk out.  We ran up Atlantic Avenue for the first half, which means we were blocked from the wind -- but also from the sun.  At the halfway point, we make the turn onto the boardwalk -- into the sun AND the wind.  Yay?  My pace wasn't as good as I had hoped, but I really had let that go.  Sure, my goal was to finish in 40 minutes, but it's not like I haven't broken other goals (see also average loss of 5 lbs per month) -- it is what it is.  I was feeling a bit disappointed but still glad that it was over, when out of seemingly nowhere my BFF Tina was there just as I passed the 3 mile mark cheering me on and taking a video of me coming down the row.  I almost had a hard time staying in stride because I started crying a bit.  I probably would have broken into full out sobbing if I had had the breath.  Thanks BFF, you ALWAYS come through!  Anyways, I pushed through and finished at 46:17.  This is just about 6 minutes faster than the "original" 5k, which means since that time I have gotten my time down by 2 minutes per mile.  And considering how much slacking I've done in the interim and how recently I was even able to run as much as I can, I am frankly pretty pleased by that.  It's true, you really do get better the more you do!

Anyways, it's finally over!  As you see pictured, we had an indulgent breakfast at Baker's Crust -- for the record, I could only eat half that thing -- and tonight Scott and I are headed for celebration at the comedy club and indulgent dinner.  Another note on the pictures -- I am really starting to see some of the changes in myself in pictures.  Especially the post race shot -- I really think this may have been a camera trick, because I do not feel like my legs actually look this good.

The tracking this week?  Not so much.  (Sorry Sherrie!)  I'm allowing myself the indulgence of not tracking again today and then renewing my focus by Monday.  (I'd say tomorrow, but who am I kidding?)

Feeling pretty sassy Thursday night after learning I got the promotion

My small attempt at blinging out 

Neptune with his sexy abs

CJ, one of the trainers at the gym

BFFs

Freaking did it!

Greasy indulgent breakfast -- but note the yogurt instead of hash browns

If you've read this far, you are truly a fan and I appreciate you!  I hope that I am giving you just a little bit of the inspiration that I have found along the way and that I hope to keep finding so I can keep trending in a downward direction.  :)

hugs,

Heather

Balance

I want to be a better wife.  I want to be a better employee.  I want to be a better citizen.  I want to be a better cook.  I want to look better.  I want to be smarter.  I want to sing better.  I want to dance better.  I want to be more humble.  I want to be less humble.  I want to eat better.  I want to binge.  I want to be a runner.  I want to stop caring about running.  I want to take more exercise classes.  I want to lift weights.  I want to sit around and watch tv until my brains rot.

I want to embrace all of these aspects of myself and try to get to a place of balance.

As I mentioned, I'm currently vying for a promotion at work.  I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself about it, and I'm trying to ease up a little.  After all, there are a large number of candidates and only a few slots.  But once I've gotten started with the pressure, it's kind of hard to ease up.  In my mind, I'm running stairs Rocky-style. I'm training for this interview like I imagine people train to take their boards.  (Or that's what it looked like on Grey's Anatomy.)  But I'm really scared.  I really want this job, but again there a lot of candidates and they really want the job too or they wouldn't have applied.  So, if I'm putting all this pressure on myself to get this job, and I don't get it.  Then what?  I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm more than a little worried about that.  It's hard to be pushing to get something but also knowing that I might not get it.  I want to be prepared for that contingency, but not so prepared that that negativity clouds my optimism and determination.  And I don't want my optimism and determination to punch me in the gut if I don't get it.

I want to have the balance.  I'm just not sure how to go about getting it.  And ironically, how I'm dealing with this stress demonstrates this balance problem to a T.  It's a combination of over-indulgence and exercise.  I finally bought a full on stepper so I could get some height over the Wii balance board I've been using.  Really felt the burn when I used it on Friday night -- in between shots of the new pumpkin pie vodka I bought.  Only me, right?  This weekend was Scott's birthday, so there was plenty of overindulgence.  But this morning I got up and wogged my 5k in the neighborhood.  (Only 5 days left to train for the Susan G Komen.)

Things have a way of working out.  Whether I get this promotion or not, I still have a job I like.  I am supposed to find out the day before I do the race.  Positive or negative outcome, that's definitely going to give me something to think about for 45 minutes.

Wish me luck and thanks for reading!

hugs,

Heather

Catch up with photos

Not a WHOLE going on in Heather's Fat News...  I've recently been taking some bathroom shots at work, so I'm adding them here for posterity.  Thanks everyone for all of the positive feedback on the red dress.  I DO love that dress and just felt AWESOME in it.  The polka dot was actually a blast from the past.  I wore this to BFF Tina's wedding in 2007 and I can finally fit in it again.  I was feeling super sassy in that too, until someone said I looked like Minnie Mouse.  What?!  

Still trying to get ready for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  Finally actually did the correct 5k I mapped out in my neighborhood.  I really need to run more often than twice a week, but I also need to do a lot of things.  One thing at a time.  I recently started writing a blog post about ways to make work outs fun.  The thing that exercise enthusiasts are always preaching about.  I had this crazy idea -- girls' night out bootcamp.  You get together with your girls and work out to earn activity points (or pre-burn calories, whatever your thing is) to go out and party like a rock star.  An added bonus is a little extra tightness to wear your favorite party dress!  A skew tangent version of this would be to plan activity dates with the girls.  One of my best friends at work (BFAW) and I have been going to Mount Trashmore after work and doing a loop.  And of course, my original BFAW inspires me to go for walks at work all the time.  The bottom photo is just a random shot from the USAA walk.

And the middle torn jeans photo?  Well, that was an old pair of jeans that got torn at the thighs from my fat pushing out...  And now they're too big!  I bought a replacement pair one size down at Old Navy this weekend.  They only had one pair my new size in the style I like in the store.  Which turns out to be a blessing, because they're the slip down style that the young people seem so fond of these days.  My old favorite style is no longer being made.  Boo!  Still, SO nice to finally be down a pants size.  Losing 40 pounds and only down two pants sizes since the journey started?!  I mean, that's crazy right?  I think because this time I'm incorporating so much more exercise than I ever did the last time that perhaps there's more muscle there.  But, things are trending in the right direction -- I was finally able to buy 2 pairs of almost knee high boots.  Something that my luscious calves would never have let me do before!

I don't want to over-sell the things are going great position.  I've definitely been sabotaging myself a lot lately.  I mean, just because you can mix vodka with water by using drink mix packs in doesn't mean you should....  To excess, anyway.  There have been a few slip ups with bags of food and tying them on like a feedbag.  Some remembered, some, uh, not.  I have definitely learned that even healthy crunchy food is still a trigger that I CANNOT have around.  I'm just glad that it was healthy so I could minimized some of the shock and horror I felt when it was over.  It will be a while before apple or veggie straws are here again.  

This week I'm going to work on getting back to basics.  Making sure I get at least 2 activity points in a day, minimizing the weeknight drinking and getting back to religiously tracking.  I'm pretty good with tracking, but I've slipped a bit this weekend and I don't want this to become a habit.  

Huh, I guess more to report than I thought.  I'm off to watch the Emmys -- have a great week!

hugs,

Heather

Rambling about inspiration

I've had an addiction to weight loss shows for a long time.  I don't watch them often, mostly because they irritate my husband.  It might be because I frequently cry at some point during the shows.  So much so that when I cry during other shows, he'll ask why I'm crying since no one had lost weight...

Ha ha.

But, it's inspiring watching someone lose a crap ton of a weight in hour long segments.  Hearing about all the things that went into gaining the weight and watching the struggles to lose.  Seeing someone find and lose and find and lose motivation over and over again.  It's inspiring because I relate to those highs and lows.  I have them in myself on a daily, weekly -- hell hourly basis.

This week I'm in a holding pattern, as I mentioned in my last post.  On call to deploy down south for Catastrophe duty, and I'm feeling some kind of way.  Here's a post from last year just 13 days in...  I'm in limbo and because of that, I'm a bit frazzled and bored.  And boredom always leads me to overeat.  Add to this I've been feeling like I'm starting to get a cold and it's that time of the month and well...  I'm in a bad place.

So, I watched a weight loss show to get inspired again.  And I'm telling you.  Because these of some of the formulas I have to turn myself around.  I went to a WW meeting today because I thought I might be leaving tomorrow (I'm not).  I made sure to get to the gym this morning and ran/walked for 30 minutes.  I'm still getting trying to prepare for the 5k -- in fact, here's a link to my Race for the Cure page.  I have a very modest pledge goal of $125, so even if you can only donate a few dollars I would be much obliged!

Maybe I'm not getting where I want to be as fast as I'd like.  Maybe I DO sabotage myself.  But, I think knowing that these are problems and taking steps to try to nip them in the bud and not spiral out of control are what's going to help me.

And continuing to talk to you.  So, thanks for reading!

hugs,

Heather

Reflection leads to action

One of the things I regret the most about the time that I wasn't blogging regularly is that I like to go back and read past posts in order to gauge my progress.  This is one of the reasons I blog.  It's one of the reasons I decided to start posting a scale photo at the beginning of every month.  Since I wasn't blogging last summer during the Summer of Lovehandles, I don't have comparison with where I'm at now.

But, now as we are -- sadly -- winding down and summer and heading in to Fall, I am getting close to where I picked up writing again.  I picked up this gem from the end of September, which is mostly all reflective and gave us the mantra "today is just today."  But at the end, I write about a gym visit, and I stated that I did an under 16 minute mile.  Well, yesterday I did 3.27 miles on the old dreadmill and my pace was 14:14 minutes/mile.  AND that was mostly running!  This comparison to how far I've come and the fact that I ran almost the whole thing...  It all gave me the confidence to FINALLY sign up for another 5k!  

Oh my God!

It's for Susan G. Komen for the Cure and it's on October 13.  As soon as I figure out how, I'll try to set up a way if you'd like to donate on behalf of my fundraising.  Here's the link to the Susan G. Komen Tidewater homepage until I can figure something else out.

Holy crap, this means I will really need to get over my anxiousness about running outside.  I want to try to run the whole thing and my goal is to do it in 40 minutes or less.  I think this is a VERY reasonable, attainable goal given where I am right now and the fact that I have 2 months (almost) to train.

Excited, nervous, scared...  But, hey -- at least I've got something new to write about!  :)

hugs,

Heather