Reflection on perception and whatnot

Last week I had a couple of interesting conversations with work friends that I thought were worth sharing.

One conversation I confess to being such a head-scratcher that I'm  still marinating over the answer.  I was asked how long does a pound have to be lost for it to be considered lost?  I have never thought about this.  My weight fluctuates up and down all the time but eventually I'll get over a hump and start trending downward again.  I guess I don't look at it a pound at a time but rather the year as a whole.  Whatever the net loss is for the year, then I consider that gone.  Especially if I have maintained that loss.  So, a pound is really lost when the loss has been maintained.  I guess that period of time for the maintaining is up to your personal interpretation.

The second conversation was a real eye-opener.  My friend said that she wasn't like me, that I'm a self-motivator.  This totally cracked me up.  I asked why on Earth she thought I was a self-motivator? She said because I sign up for challenges or set goals for myself and then I actually follow through with them.  And when I stepped out of myself and looked at this from an outsider's perspective, I thought it never even occurred to me that anyone would perceive it that way.  In fact, I sign up for challenges or set goals for myself because I am NOT a self-motivator and need the external motivation of the goal in order to push towards something.  I have to have a goal to strive for in order to keep going.  If I'm just working out to work out, well who cares?  But if I'm participating in a weight loss challenge and a team is depending on me, then that's a reason to keep going.  If I am signed up for a 5k, then I better get to training so I don't die during the event.

And that's where I'm at now.  I am shooting to do the Shamrock 8k, but the extra distance is intimidating me.  BFF Tina has been my external motivation and we're working on a Couch to 5k plan, which I guess will then be expanded to get to the full 8k.  We did our first trial dreadmill run this past Saturday, doing 90 seconds alternating walk/run.  Time is funny isn't it?  The 90 seconds of running took WAY longer than the 90 seconds of walking!  I made most of the intervals, but there was one that I skipped out on due to cramping.  And it was the first time that I forgot to take dreadmill pictures after so I don't even know what the time was!  FAIL!  I think it was around 48 minutes.  Then there was a small attempt at ab work, but my heart wasn't in it.  (Shocker!) Just as well, even with the little bit my abs are sore and my thighs were definitely feeling the burn from the squats.

I've joined a weight loss challenge on Facebook with a group of mostly old friends.  The leader is still working out the details, but it's nice to have a group to swap stories with.  We're all at different stages in our journey -- some of us have been working on it for a while, some are just getting started.  It's really interesting to read about everyone's different perspectives and plans.  I won't lie, I'm happy that I'm not just getting started.   (Just getting started again - ha!)  I'm looking at about 40 more pounds to go to get to my goal, but I am also looking back at the 35 I've already lost.  Maybe I'll get to my goal by the group's deadline, maybe I won't -- but I'll continue to get healthier and stronger while trying to get there, and isn't that the most important thing?

(((HUGS)))
Heather

Getting back on track

Second quickie workout at Planet Fitness.  I am strongly considering making the full on move...  I really hate having two gym memberships and I'm not really feeling paying almost twice as much monthly for my old gym.  My new gym is way bigger, way snazzier and offers way more benefits. My old gym?  Well, it's a scosh closer.  So, if I do finally start doing those early morning workouts again (cue non-stop laughter), there is a slight advantage to the old gym.  But, I don't know if it's enough of an advantage to earn my money.  

I guess I'm just shaking up things all over.  Went back to fat church tonight and went to a different meeting so a friend could come with me.  I really loved the vibe in my old meeting, but there are some factors that are keeping me out including just the timing.  And a slight focus on routine tonight  as a meeting topic really helped seal the deal that I'm going in the right direction.  

Here's the plan and I hope you can help keep me on track.  I'm starting out relatively slowly with a plan to workout at a gym three days a week -- Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.  In addition to the gym on Thursdays, that's going to be my regular fat church day so it'll be a long day.  I think this is a reasonable goal to keep.  

And look -- I'm not so far off, even with my 2 month hiatus.  I did a 15 minute mile, which isn't too far from where I was at the 5k.  It may have been faster, but when I can't jog I try to jack up the incline in between so I'm still getting an extra workout.  I think this affects my time, but whatever.  I'm not trying to set the world on fire.

Anyways, I'm really happy about where 2013 is starting.  In fact, I'm just pretty happy in general.  It's kind of a weird feeling for me, frankly.  I'm just not used to generally feeling happy.  Especially when my house is a mess and there's been some family tension and work is weird (coming back to reality has been so much harder than I thought) and... Well, you get the idea.  I just feel like I'm coming into myself.  And that makes me happy.  It turns out -- I really like me.  Who knew?

(((HUGS)))

            Heather

I said I would and I did!

I'm starting off 2013 right. Got to the gym and got 30 minutes in on the elliptical. I wasn't setting the world on fire, but given that I woke up with a significant wheeze after an awesome night ringing in the new year - I'll take it! Signed up at a new gym and for the price I am going to keep two memberships for a while. 2013 is starting with my weight at 194. Frankly, I know most people would be alarmed by this, but I figure that is down 16 lbs from where I was a year ago. While I would obviously be happier losing more quickly, I know I don't do all the work I need to do to lose faster. And if I maintain a weight loss of just over a pound a month then that means I am maintaining a weight loss. Which means it is truly lost. What's not to love about that? The first year I maintained a 19 lb loss and now 16. Its not fast but if it really is lost -- and I still get to overindulge and enjoy life, it works!

I'm very excited for what 2013 has to bring!

(((Hugs)))
Heather

Your blog queen has returned!

     Annnnnd I'm back.  Yeah,  yeah, yeah -- I know that I have actually been back for a while, but whatever.  I returned home December 15.  It was a 7 week deployment and was much harder than my trip through what I called the Tour of the 'villes in 2011.  I never really felt rested, though a lot of that was self-induced.  I split my time between being at a "CAT site" (a dedicated place for people to come and visit) and doing field work (going to people's houses -- or what was left of them -- and helping them inventory the household goods they lost in the flooding).  Being on site had highs and lows of being busy -- we'd go through periods of tons of traffic and not have a minute to breathe followed by hours of waiting for someone to come.  It was not easy to make good food decisions, because you were making those decisions with a group of people.  Plus, meeting people who were going through this horrible tragedy was emotionally draining -- I gradually started being friends with carbs again.  And wine and I, we just got reacquainted.  Many, many, many long talks into the wee hours with my friend Wine were had...  In the beginning, I was making good decisions with my diet*, though I did fall completely off tracking.  But, I was paying attention to what I was eating, watching my portions, and just trying to make good choices.  This did not last long.   It was slow at first, but moving in to the field really sealed my fate in that regard.  It's a 12 hour day and there was a LOT of driving between different appointments.  You never knew how long each appointment was going to be, how bad the traffic was going to be getting there, if there was going to be open places to eat where you going...  (Oh, I was based in Long Island and I was mostly around the southern part.)  I ate on the road a lot and went back to my staples from the 'villes -- almonds and beef jerky and lots and lots of caffeine.  I think I drank even more caffeine this time then I did last year because being so caffeinated really helped keep my appetite at bay.

If you have specific questions about the deployment itself, I am happy to answer.  Send me a comment here or message me on Facebook.  I sent out a series of emails while I was gone about some of my experiences, and I would be happy to share those.

So, now I'm back (from outer space...) and consciously decided that I was going to stay off the wagon and then join the cliche of getting back on track in the New Year.  I do so hate being a cliche, but they exist for a reason.  I have gained about 5-10 pounds since I left.  I know that if I really get committed, this part of it will be "easy" to take off since it is new weight.  But I know that getting committed is where I struggle.  It's probably where you struggle too, right?

What're we gonna do about it?

Here are some of MY plans...

As for me, on New Year's Day, no matter how hung over I am (and I will be, let's not kid ourselves here), I plan to rip off the band-aid and get a workout in.  If the weather cooperates, I plan to do the 5k I marked out here in my neighborhood (mostly just walking -- though in the one, lonely work-out I did while I was gone, I was able to run for most of it) and if not, then I'll be at my gym.  Along with all the newbies who are really, really, really going to do it this time!

I'll also be going back to Fat Church.  I am hoping that my beloved Wednesday meeting will still work, but any meeting this time of year is going to be crazy crowded with newbies.  I need to find a meeting that works with my schedule and has a leader that I like as much as my current one -- harder to find than you think.  In full honesty, the group that goes also plays a part.  I frequently sample meetings that filled with knitting grannies and this is just not the place for me.  I like the ones where the members really should be stopping at an AA meeting on their way home -- like me! (We don't want to quit drinking, we just want to learn to do it moderately.  Or to be moderate enough in everything else that we can still drink...  Or something.)  So, finding a NEW meeting, but going to meetings no matter what.  Getting back on track with Weight Watchers will be a key component in my "recovery."

My plans also include finding a new race to train for.  I'm thinking about utilizing the Couch to 5k Plan so that the next 5k I do, I can run the entire thing.  I'm considering joining the biggest loser challenge at my gym again -- that was a great inspiration to me the when I started this journey and I have no doubt will be again.  If that doesn't work, I will definitely be trolling the groupons for some type of boot camp (though NOT cross fit -- no nervous breakdowns while working out again!) so that I can incorporate strength training -- an area where I really don't feel confident.

I think that's enough for now.  I met a lot of inspiring people while I was on this tour.  One of them bought inexpensive exercise equipment, which he says he does on every deployment and walked the stairs.  Another ran daily while we were gone.  Another also wasn't really on track with workouts, but did make good food decisions on the regular and one of his first check-ins when he came back was at the gym with the tag line "yesterday we said tomorrow and we meant it".  I LOVE that -- that's how I want to approach 2013.  I said I was going to get to my goal weight by my 40th -- and I meant it!

Can't wait to share my journey with you!

hugs,

Heather

PS -- *The use of the word diet in this and every post is intended to mean food choices and not the stereotypical usage of the word diet (or die with a t).  Even when I am actively following the Weight Watchers plan, I do not consider myself to be on a diet.  That's not just something that I say to make people believe I drank the Kool-Aid.  Weight Watchers is just the most effective tool I have ever found to help me be responsible for what I eat and become more moderate.

Also, this is but a small sampling of photos from my trip but for some reason I'm getting locked up and unable to post more.

Deployed

I'm deployed for catastrophe duty.  Day 2 and while it HAS already been hard with diet and exercise, but let's keep it in perspective...








There are a lot of people, in a lot of need.  If I can do anything to alleviate the suffering of even one person affected by this?  Then that's what it's all about.

Stay safe and hug your families.  I'll try to post once we get into a routine, but it will probably be a while.

hugs,

Heather

Saboteur, revisited

Nothing like sending a call-out asking for folks to join you for a dance party and get no response.  Awkward.  :)  Anyways...

Back on July 31, I told you that I was going to start posting a monthly weight log.  This was so I could keep track of my progress by reviewing my old blog posts and to keep me accountable for the goal I had set for myself of losing 5 lbs a month.  As you also know from subsequent posts, I have not maintained that target.  Although, if you count all the minor ups and downs over the weeks since then I may have actually lost the 15 lbs that I intended to have lost by now.  *sigh*

It's funny how when I put things out there, it can sometimes sabotage me.  But, who am I kidding?  What am I blaming the universe because it's out there.  ("Oh no, it's out there -- what will we do?!")  I'm the one who sabotages myself.   Let's say that again in a centered line with some effects for emphasis:

I'm the one who sabotages myself.

Perhaps a tattoo is in order?  In reverse on my forehead so I can read it whenever I look in the mirror?  Well, perhaps that's a bit too harsh.  Even for me.  Because I think that sometimes you need to look at maintaining as being as good as losing.  And these fluctuations on the scale where it goes up and down about 5 lbs over short periods of time, that's how I honestly look at them.  This is maintaining.  I'll go up a pound or so, I'll go down a pound or so.  I haven't gone over the 190 by much or for any length of time.  Here recently I'm staying pretty consistently in the 180's, I just haven't been able to break under 185.  I've got every excuse under the book and some of them are darned good.  Promotion, free tickets to the wine festival, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!  I lead myself out of temptation as much as I can, but it just doesn't take much for me to find the temptation again.

Here's the thing.  Yes, I make goals that I'm, obvioulsy, not good at sticking to.  But, I keep my eye on the prize and I am not going to give up.  I am never going to give up on myself again.  Let's put that in the same eye-catching way, shall we?

I am NEVER going to give up on myself again.

I've been on this journey that you've been reading about since January 1, 2011.  It's never been quick. (I've even written about this very topic about sabotaging when I was going through a similar wobble phase.)  I'm a bit more impatient with myself because I'm more than halfway to my goal weight, but I can't let my impatience deter my commitment or belief in myself.  This is why I forgive myself these moments of wavering.  I still go to fat church, I'm still finding ways to get activity in, I still do a really good job of tracking most of the time and I'm still SO much more disciplined than I ever was before.  Maybe I'm not losing weight right now, but maybe there's a reason for that.  Maybe it IS important to take the journey slow and really settle in to each 5 pound loss to make sure that I'm comfortable with the steps it takes to get there.  This is really old weight that I'm losing now.  Maybe I WON'T get to my goal by my 40th birthday as I've been hoping.  But I will get there.  

                                However long it takes.

hugs,

Heather

Dance parties

You want to know the best way to unwind? Dancing. A little. A lot. It's good. I went out for a short time and got bit by the bug. Wouldn't it be fun to go somewhere and dance to all the stuff that WE came of age dancing to?! Late 80's thru early 00's before we had kids and furry kids and opinions and grown up jobs and lives...

Lets find a date and a place and let's have a dance-a-thon like back in high school!!!
Who.
    Is.
        In??

We can call it Dance a THIN.  :)

What I have found is that when I am at home and dancing by myself, and this happens more than you think, that what I am really doing is incorporating a lot of the moves I learned in kickboxing.  It's not really dancing, so much as it's cooler (well, in my head anyways) jazzercise.  I think it would be fun to get a bunch of women together, choose a playlist that we actually get excited about and just dance for a few hours.  Burn off some stress and have some fun

Seriously -- who's interested?

Cuz otherwise it'll be me dancing with myself -- oh, oh, oh...

hugs,

Heather