Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Still feeling "some kind of way"
I think the TMI portion is that I'm PMS'ing (and using too many initials). I really do have that blah, I don't care about anything feeling that I used to "cure" with overindulgence. One of the only things keeping me from going down the drain is that I keep coming here and talking to you about it.
But the fact is that I know me. I'm on the verge of a full-bore blown out overindulgence. I've been teasing it with some festivities over the last couple of weekends, but I've been managing to pull back and rein in. Not enough to get back on a losing track, but at least enough to maintain. And when I'm feeling this kind of way? Maintaining is like losing. It doesn't feel like it when I get on the scale at WW and get my little sticker with either no loss or, this week's case, a tiny gain. But in the back of my head, I know what I did and what I didn't do and I know that I should be grateful that I'm maintaining.
I should be, but I'm not. I'm mad at myself for slacking. Just not mad enough to knuckle down and do the work.
Yet.
Here's my plan... Planned overindulgence. If I don't leave for CAT deployment -- which is starting to look like a possibility -- then I will be heading to an awesome party at my neighbor's house this weekend to celebrate her birthday. It's going to be legendary and a great place to really revel in an overindulgence blow-out. There's going to be an amazing amount of food and beverages. I'm going to get a work out in before the party so I'll be feeling primed and then it's on. No holds barred. No tracking, no fretting just pure overindulgence. Like a rock star.
Sunday will be recovery. For obvious reasons, I'm making no real plan. BUT if I had a plan? It would NOT include beating myself up for the experience, because I'm going into it willingly. And then Monday, it's getting back on plan and staying there.
This will mean tracking regularly and more faithfully. Making sure that I get in at least 2 APs a day. And planning better than I have been so far. I've been lucky so far because I'm winging it a lot, but now I'm really fully in the "old weight." (That's a topic for another blog, I think.) It's going to be even harder from here and it's not gonna happen until I fully get over this hump.
Ugh. Such a series of downer posts these last few times. Hopefully I'm going to turn this corner soon and I'll have some triumphant stuff to post again soon.
Wait again? Well, whatever. You know what I mean. :)
hugs,
Heather
But the fact is that I know me. I'm on the verge of a full-bore blown out overindulgence. I've been teasing it with some festivities over the last couple of weekends, but I've been managing to pull back and rein in. Not enough to get back on a losing track, but at least enough to maintain. And when I'm feeling this kind of way? Maintaining is like losing. It doesn't feel like it when I get on the scale at WW and get my little sticker with either no loss or, this week's case, a tiny gain. But in the back of my head, I know what I did and what I didn't do and I know that I should be grateful that I'm maintaining.
I should be, but I'm not. I'm mad at myself for slacking. Just not mad enough to knuckle down and do the work.
Yet.
Here's my plan... Planned overindulgence. If I don't leave for CAT deployment -- which is starting to look like a possibility -- then I will be heading to an awesome party at my neighbor's house this weekend to celebrate her birthday. It's going to be legendary and a great place to really revel in an overindulgence blow-out. There's going to be an amazing amount of food and beverages. I'm going to get a work out in before the party so I'll be feeling primed and then it's on. No holds barred. No tracking, no fretting just pure overindulgence. Like a rock star.
Sunday will be recovery. For obvious reasons, I'm making no real plan. BUT if I had a plan? It would NOT include beating myself up for the experience, because I'm going into it willingly. And then Monday, it's getting back on plan and staying there.
This will mean tracking regularly and more faithfully. Making sure that I get in at least 2 APs a day. And planning better than I have been so far. I've been lucky so far because I'm winging it a lot, but now I'm really fully in the "old weight." (That's a topic for another blog, I think.) It's going to be even harder from here and it's not gonna happen until I fully get over this hump.
Ugh. Such a series of downer posts these last few times. Hopefully I'm going to turn this corner soon and I'll have some triumphant stuff to post again soon.
Wait again? Well, whatever. You know what I mean. :)
hugs,
Heather
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Rambling about inspiration
I've had an addiction to weight loss shows for a long time. I don't watch them often, mostly because they irritate my husband. It might be because I frequently cry at some point during the shows. So much so that when I cry during other shows, he'll ask why I'm crying since no one had lost weight...
Ha ha.
But, it's inspiring watching someone lose a crap ton of a weight in hour long segments. Hearing about all the things that went into gaining the weight and watching the struggles to lose. Seeing someone find and lose and find and lose motivation over and over again. It's inspiring because I relate to those highs and lows. I have them in myself on a daily, weekly -- hell hourly basis.
This week I'm in a holding pattern, as I mentioned in my last post. On call to deploy down south for Catastrophe duty, and I'm feeling some kind of way. Here's a post from last year just 13 days in... I'm in limbo and because of that, I'm a bit frazzled and bored. And boredom always leads me to overeat. Add to this I've been feeling like I'm starting to get a cold and it's that time of the month and well... I'm in a bad place.
So, I watched a weight loss show to get inspired again. And I'm telling you. Because these of some of the formulas I have to turn myself around. I went to a WW meeting today because I thought I might be leaving tomorrow (I'm not). I made sure to get to the gym this morning and ran/walked for 30 minutes. I'm still getting trying to prepare for the 5k -- in fact, here's a link to my Race for the Cure page. I have a very modest pledge goal of $125, so even if you can only donate a few dollars I would be much obliged!
Maybe I'm not getting where I want to be as fast as I'd like. Maybe I DO sabotage myself. But, I think knowing that these are problems and taking steps to try to nip them in the bud and not spiral out of control are what's going to help me.
And continuing to talk to you. So, thanks for reading!
hugs,
Heather
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Group exercise and CAT duty departure
Group exercise is something that I have long had mixed feelings about. It's just so hard when you have no rhythm keeping up with a group staying in time. It's the reason I don't do group dances like the macarena or the durned wobble that is everywhere lately. As I was talking to Scott about how much I've been enjoying the aerobic kickboxing class, he made a comparable statement about the classes. "I was in a groove on my own. And no one wants that."
Exactly. But, I finally got to the point where I decided that even though I look and feel quite a bit foolish, the foolishness does not in face take away from the exercise. I'm still getting a work-out, and increasing the work out of my fellow classmates from the laughter. :)
Anyways, I started posting that a while back. What's on my mind now is my pending departure for CAT duty. Last time I was away, I did pretty well with my weight loss journey. I maintained the 20 lb loss I had prior and even managed to lose 5 more pounds. It's when I got back that I fell off track. I was out of sorts from being gone and wanting to celebrate my return. That celebration was later dubbed the Summer of Love Handles and it took me some time to get back on track and feel motivated again. I'm writing this as I take a brief break from packing. I'm feeling anxious about my progress. My commitment to myself is to focus on maintaining only. 12 hour work days are going to make it challenging to want to exercise and to stay on track with my diet. Wish me luck and I'll try to stay in touch while I'm gone!
hugs,
Heather
Exactly. But, I finally got to the point where I decided that even though I look and feel quite a bit foolish, the foolishness does not in face take away from the exercise. I'm still getting a work-out, and increasing the work out of my fellow classmates from the laughter. :)
Anyways, I started posting that a while back. What's on my mind now is my pending departure for CAT duty. Last time I was away, I did pretty well with my weight loss journey. I maintained the 20 lb loss I had prior and even managed to lose 5 more pounds. It's when I got back that I fell off track. I was out of sorts from being gone and wanting to celebrate my return. That celebration was later dubbed the Summer of Love Handles and it took me some time to get back on track and feel motivated again. I'm writing this as I take a brief break from packing. I'm feeling anxious about my progress. My commitment to myself is to focus on maintaining only. 12 hour work days are going to make it challenging to want to exercise and to stay on track with my diet. Wish me luck and I'll try to stay in touch while I'm gone!
hugs,
Heather
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
The Mental Part
One of the reasons that I enjoy Ms. Bitchcake's blog so much, besides the gorgeous pictures of New York is that she will frequently write about what goes through her head during her various work-outs. Especially in the last few years when she's been super-active. (If you're looking for inspiration on your own journey, I really recommend reading her early posts. While she is very awesome now, it's not the same since she's already reached goal and not losing anymore.) Anyways, I think about this all the time -- mostly because I have so many varied thoughts during my own workouts. Frequently involving how I don't want to do them.
And I started trying to write this last night and got distracted... Which actually worked out, because tonight's Weight Watcher's meeting topic was, in part, about the mental part. We talked about habits and how long it takes to create them (66 days, studies have shown and here's your link if you'd like to read that) and then how long it can take to break them. (My quip was it depends on how good the cookies are...) We talked about bad habits that we have broken or ones that we need to break.
I think about this a lot. Sometimes while on the dreadmill, as I mentioned above. I don't really feel wholly cured of many of my bad habits (see also: wino, strapping on tortilla chips like a feedbag), but I feel like I'm an evolving work. Every chance I have to go one way or the other, when I go in a direction that feels "right" I feel like that's progress. But these are small steps. And while I recognize and give myself credit for these particular activity points -- I know that I have a long way to go. I KNOW that I have not fully embraced a full lifestyle change.
I know this because I still like to party like a rock star. One thing that's changing about that is that even when the things I am tracking are embarrassing - I am still tracking them or trying to. And yes, I did track the shots I did on Saturday night thankyouverymuch. Sometimes, I just overcount but I'm really trying to be diligent when it comes to this. I'm trying to make the formation of a habit feel like the actual habit, but it's still tricky. It's the hardest exercise I do -- the mental part. So, as so often is the case, got the perfect quote from our awesome leader Sherrie tonight -- "Your body can do anything -- it's just your brain you have to convince."
I will keep this in my mental bag of tricks as I prep for the 5k in October and as I continue to work to be a natural Weight Watcher.
hugs,
Heather
And I started trying to write this last night and got distracted... Which actually worked out, because tonight's Weight Watcher's meeting topic was, in part, about the mental part. We talked about habits and how long it takes to create them (66 days, studies have shown and here's your link if you'd like to read that) and then how long it can take to break them. (My quip was it depends on how good the cookies are...) We talked about bad habits that we have broken or ones that we need to break.
I think about this a lot. Sometimes while on the dreadmill, as I mentioned above. I don't really feel wholly cured of many of my bad habits (see also: wino, strapping on tortilla chips like a feedbag), but I feel like I'm an evolving work. Every chance I have to go one way or the other, when I go in a direction that feels "right" I feel like that's progress. But these are small steps. And while I recognize and give myself credit for these particular activity points -- I know that I have a long way to go. I KNOW that I have not fully embraced a full lifestyle change.
I know this because I still like to party like a rock star. One thing that's changing about that is that even when the things I am tracking are embarrassing - I am still tracking them or trying to. And yes, I did track the shots I did on Saturday night thankyouverymuch. Sometimes, I just overcount but I'm really trying to be diligent when it comes to this. I'm trying to make the formation of a habit feel like the actual habit, but it's still tricky. It's the hardest exercise I do -- the mental part. So, as so often is the case, got the perfect quote from our awesome leader Sherrie tonight -- "Your body can do anything -- it's just your brain you have to convince."
I will keep this in my mental bag of tricks as I prep for the 5k in October and as I continue to work to be a natural Weight Watcher.
hugs,
Heather
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Reflection leads to action
One of the things I regret the most about the time that I wasn't blogging regularly is that I like to go back and read past posts in order to gauge my progress. This is one of the reasons I blog. It's one of the reasons I decided to start posting a scale photo at the beginning of every month. Since I wasn't blogging last summer during the Summer of Lovehandles, I don't have comparison with where I'm at now.
But, now as we are -- sadly -- winding down and summer and heading in to Fall, I am getting close to where I picked up writing again. I picked up this gem from the end of September, which is mostly all reflective and gave us the mantra "today is just today." But at the end, I write about a gym visit, and I stated that I did an under 16 minute mile. Well, yesterday I did 3.27 miles on the old dreadmill and my pace was 14:14 minutes/mile. AND that was mostly running! This comparison to how far I've come and the fact that I ran almost the whole thing... It all gave me the confidence to FINALLY sign up for another 5k!
Oh my God!
It's for Susan G. Komen for the Cure and it's on October 13. As soon as I figure out how, I'll try to set up a way if you'd like to donate on behalf of my fundraising. Here's the link to the Susan G. Komen Tidewater homepage until I can figure something else out.
Holy crap, this means I will really need to get over my anxiousness about running outside. I want to try to run the whole thing and my goal is to do it in 40 minutes or less. I think this is a VERY reasonable, attainable goal given where I am right now and the fact that I have 2 months (almost) to train.
Excited, nervous, scared... But, hey -- at least I've got something new to write about! :)
hugs,
Heather
But, now as we are -- sadly -- winding down and summer and heading in to Fall, I am getting close to where I picked up writing again. I picked up this gem from the end of September, which is mostly all reflective and gave us the mantra "today is just today." But at the end, I write about a gym visit, and I stated that I did an under 16 minute mile. Well, yesterday I did 3.27 miles on the old dreadmill and my pace was 14:14 minutes/mile. AND that was mostly running! This comparison to how far I've come and the fact that I ran almost the whole thing... It all gave me the confidence to FINALLY sign up for another 5k!
Oh my God!
It's for Susan G. Komen for the Cure and it's on October 13. As soon as I figure out how, I'll try to set up a way if you'd like to donate on behalf of my fundraising. Here's the link to the Susan G. Komen Tidewater homepage until I can figure something else out.
Holy crap, this means I will really need to get over my anxiousness about running outside. I want to try to run the whole thing and my goal is to do it in 40 minutes or less. I think this is a VERY reasonable, attainable goal given where I am right now and the fact that I have 2 months (almost) to train.
Excited, nervous, scared... But, hey -- at least I've got something new to write about! :)
hugs,
Heather
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