Still feeling "some kind of way"

I think the TMI portion is that I'm PMS'ing (and using too many initials).  I really do have that blah, I don't care about anything feeling that I used to "cure" with overindulgence.  One of the only things keeping me from going down the drain is that I keep coming here and talking to you about it.

But the fact is that I know me.  I'm on the verge of a full-bore blown out overindulgence.  I've been teasing it with some festivities over the last couple of weekends, but I've been managing to pull back and rein in.  Not enough to get back on a losing track, but at least enough to maintain.  And when I'm feeling this kind of way?  Maintaining is like losing.  It doesn't feel like it when I get on the scale at WW and get my little sticker with either no loss or, this week's case, a tiny gain.  But in the back of my head, I know what I did and what I didn't do and I know that I should be grateful that I'm maintaining.

I should be, but I'm not.  I'm mad at myself for slacking.  Just not mad enough to knuckle down and do the work.

Yet.

Here's my plan...  Planned overindulgence.  If I don't leave for CAT deployment -- which is starting to look like a possibility -- then I will be heading to an awesome party at my neighbor's house this weekend to celebrate her birthday.  It's going to be legendary and a great place to really revel in an overindulgence blow-out.  There's going to be an amazing amount of food and beverages.  I'm going to get a work out in before the party so I'll be feeling primed and then it's on.  No holds barred.  No tracking, no fretting just pure overindulgence.  Like a rock star.

Sunday will be recovery.  For obvious reasons, I'm making no real plan.  BUT if I had a plan?  It would NOT include beating myself up for the experience, because I'm going into it willingly.  And then Monday, it's getting back on plan and staying there.

This will mean tracking regularly and more faithfully.  Making sure that I get in at least 2 APs a day.  And planning better than I have been so far.  I've been lucky so far because I'm winging it a lot, but now I'm really fully in the "old weight."  (That's a topic for another blog, I think.)  It's going to be even harder from here and it's not gonna happen until I fully get over this hump.

Ugh.  Such a series of downer posts these last few times.  Hopefully I'm going to turn this corner soon and I'll have some triumphant stuff to post again soon.

Wait again?  Well, whatever.  You know what I mean.  :)

hugs,

Heather