Well, as you know, I was off work for a week and apparently when I got back it became noticeable that I was losing weight. I keep getting body checked whenever I walk through the office. It's weirdly flattering and just weird too. Several have commented that I'm losing and I don't know how to react. I'm trying to get better at just "thanks" but that feels weird.
I can't explain it, but I'm obviously going to try or I wouldn't have started this post... The gist of it is that it is a weird thing when people start noticing that you are losing weight. On the one hand, I'm losing weight so I can get in shape, be healthy and look better -- not necessarily in that order when my vanity is being honest. But, this comes with its own set of complications. For one, this implies that there was something "wrong" with the way I looked before. Thinking this way leads to real problems when I'm not being 100% successful with my weight loss, as you can imagine. And further, when people make comments like "you're looking a lot smaller, Heather"-- I am honestly not sure what exactly the correct response to that is. Again, I guess it's supposed to be "thanks" but I'm not really that kind of girl. I think one of the last times I said something like, yeah thanks to Spanx! And then there's the typical "woman on a diet in America" response which is "thanks but I got a ways to go" or something like that. Like, I can't actually acknowledge the work I have done so far, because surely you can see that there is at least 40 more pounds of fat on my ass that need to go, right? And if I -- God forbid -- accept your compliment, then maybe you won't know that I know that and... Well, you see how this downward spiral goes, right?
And then here's the other hand... Frequently, when people do comment on my weight loss or make observations about my eating habits, this then turns into their own weight loss journey. Like I'm out to lunch with a friend and being all picky with my order and when she doesn't order something as "points friendly" (because she's not a weight watcher). But then it's a "thing." She's telling me about her plans for diet and exercise in the future. It's strange, which I all but said -- but on the other hand (how many hands are we up to??), I KNOW this feeling. When you're overweight and you're with someone who is actively trying to lose weight it makes you take a hard look at yourself. Well, it made ME feel that way -- in fact, it always made me feel a little judged. In retrospect, this is a bit crazy but this is me we're talking about. I mean, I'm just trying to eat my triple bacon cheeseburger here, and I can't hear you over the salad you're pretending to enjoy. Show off! But, that's the thing -- when you are the person eating the salad while the other person is eating their burger, it's not a judgment thing. For me, it vacillates between being a jealous thing or not being a thing at all. Am I delighted to be eating my salad while you're eating half a cow? Probably not. I'm not at that phase of the journey, and I probably never will be. I want what you're having and trust me -- I'm not judging you for having it. And that's just the thing -- just because I'm doing my thing, you don't have to do my thing. You don't have to think that I think you should do my thing. It's MY thing.
That doesn't mean that I don't think that you'll be happier if you lost a little weight and exercised a little more... I DO think that, but that doesn't mean that I care or am judging you for not doing those things now. I just want you to be happier. So, if you see what I'm doing and it makes you want to lose a little weight or exercise a little more, why not go for it?
That's how it started for me. Being inspired by other people and their progress. Being ready to make that change in my own life.
And when you want to get started? You CAN talk to me about it -- I'm not going to lie, I really do love talking about the journey and the trials and exercise and Weight Watchers (oh, how I LOVE to talk about that) and all of it.
Just don't body check me while you're doing it... ;)
hugs,
Heather
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