Balance

I want to be a better wife.  I want to be a better employee.  I want to be a better citizen.  I want to be a better cook.  I want to look better.  I want to be smarter.  I want to sing better.  I want to dance better.  I want to be more humble.  I want to be less humble.  I want to eat better.  I want to binge.  I want to be a runner.  I want to stop caring about running.  I want to take more exercise classes.  I want to lift weights.  I want to sit around and watch tv until my brains rot.

I want to embrace all of these aspects of myself and try to get to a place of balance.

As I mentioned, I'm currently vying for a promotion at work.  I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself about it, and I'm trying to ease up a little.  After all, there are a large number of candidates and only a few slots.  But once I've gotten started with the pressure, it's kind of hard to ease up.  In my mind, I'm running stairs Rocky-style. I'm training for this interview like I imagine people train to take their boards.  (Or that's what it looked like on Grey's Anatomy.)  But I'm really scared.  I really want this job, but again there a lot of candidates and they really want the job too or they wouldn't have applied.  So, if I'm putting all this pressure on myself to get this job, and I don't get it.  Then what?  I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm more than a little worried about that.  It's hard to be pushing to get something but also knowing that I might not get it.  I want to be prepared for that contingency, but not so prepared that that negativity clouds my optimism and determination.  And I don't want my optimism and determination to punch me in the gut if I don't get it.

I want to have the balance.  I'm just not sure how to go about getting it.  And ironically, how I'm dealing with this stress demonstrates this balance problem to a T.  It's a combination of over-indulgence and exercise.  I finally bought a full on stepper so I could get some height over the Wii balance board I've been using.  Really felt the burn when I used it on Friday night -- in between shots of the new pumpkin pie vodka I bought.  Only me, right?  This weekend was Scott's birthday, so there was plenty of overindulgence.  But this morning I got up and wogged my 5k in the neighborhood.  (Only 5 days left to train for the Susan G Komen.)

Things have a way of working out.  Whether I get this promotion or not, I still have a job I like.  I am supposed to find out the day before I do the race.  Positive or negative outcome, that's definitely going to give me something to think about for 45 minutes.

Wish me luck and thanks for reading!

hugs,

Heather

APA

Had the mock interview to prep for a promotion I'm vying for today. Had some issues to work out, so I headed to the gym. Unfortunately all of the dreadmills were full, so I was forced to hang with my old friend the elliptical.
45 minutes
500 calorie
3.5 miles

Made that thing my beeyotch!