Fitness Adventures

Remember a while back when I was talking about "the next thing?"  (No?  Here's a link.)  I was going to buy groupons and just try different fitness stuff.  Well, during that time I bought a groupon deal for cardio kickboxing.  I finally went to my first class tonight and I really liked it.

The class was 50 minutes and very small -- which I like.  The teacher, Master C, is awesome and was very accommodating.  It was mildly intense, but I never felt like puking or anything.  Turns out, that's because this was the "easy" night.  The classes are Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and apparently the Saturday class is crossfit-like.  Yay?

I chatted with some of the other ladies before the class and told them I was there on the groupon deal.  They were taking bets on whether or not I'd be back since a few weeks ago there were other groupon ladies and they have not been back.  The class was a cardio workout but was not overly intense -- again, because they build up to that.  Of course, I was totally uncoordinated as usual but luckily these ladies were awesome and not judge-y at all.  Very friendly and inclusive.  Not like when you go to some cardio classes with a bunch of Barbie-bots.  Blech!

All in all a GREAT day for activity -- I got two walks in (see frizzy picture from earlier) and a cardio kickboxing.  Feel great!  And that's a total of 14 earned for the day!!

Minor programming (?) note...  I've been running a mental tally of how much I've lost since I started and I realized that I haven't been keeping a great log of this to keep me mindful of it.  My current goal is to lose about 5 lbs a month until I get to my goal weight of 155.  (This is the top of my suggested weight from WW for my height.)  I've decided that in order to be able to better track where I'm at and how I'm doing, I am going to start posting scale photos again ((((gulp))) -- but only on the first of the month.  These posts will not be split to Facebook, because -- hello -- I don't want my stupid weight in my timeline.

All right, back to the Olympics...  Doesn't THAT inspire you to get some activity in??

2 AP walking in humid garage during rain storm. Hair sacrificed for activity - that's commitment! :)

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
The arrow has to draw back to fly ahead. -Proverb

Activity Points Accountability

30 minutes
Dreadmill
And look - I'm getting close to a 14 minute mile. I fear that off the dreadmill it would be much higher (lower? What's the correct usage if I want to sayit would take longer?). But it's all a process, right?

I'm including the grade info for my own edification. I can't quite jog the whole 30 minutes but what I do during the slow down is jack up the incline so I'm still burning even I'm not going as fast.

Wistful

I miss the unbridled indulgence.  I can't lie about that.  I'm an overindulger.  I know this, you know this, the wine store knows this...

And it's not like I don't still overindulge.  But it's not unbridled.  Even when I let loose and really fall down (ha -- sometimes literally!), I've still got a calculator running in the back of my head or I can feel a finger wagging in my head or something...    And while I KNOW that this is a good thing to get me to where I want to be and all that... Sometimes I just want to eat out of the bag of Doritos while standing in the pantry, you know?  Eat a cookie without thinking about how many points it is.  Not worry about how much exercise I'm getting.

I miss being fat.  I mean, I'm still pretty overweight, but I weigh 35 pounds less than I was when I started this blog last year.  And when you weigh 229, you can eat as many cookies as you want, take the elevator, eat 3 pieces of pizza, drink a bottle of wine and eat popcorn for dinner, et cetera.  You can be a slobby mcslobberson.

But you're not going to be happy.  You'll just be faking it.

I am enjoying getting my activity in.  I do enjoy the challenge of figuring out what to eat and how to maximize my points.  I'm still learning how to do both of those things better.  But am I ever going to get to a place where I can satisfy my stress by not wanting to eat or overindulge?  I'm still not there.

Work in progress as ever,

Heather

Activity Point Accountability

25 minute walk with our boy. 2 AP. Do you get extra for the sweat??

Activity point accountability

Elliptical trainer
30 minutes
7 AP


Whew!

Recommitted

Starting today, I am making it my personal mission to get no less than 2 activity points a day.

2 Activity Points is NOTHING.  That is a 20 minute walk.  I'm kidding myself that I don't have time.  I'm not TAKING the time.  I'm not making it a habit.

That's how I was successful on WW before and I forgot.  It was being as diligent as I could with tracking and getting a little bit of activity when I could.  I never went crazy -- I just walked on my breaks and lunches.  Started getting a little bit of weight lifting in.  I did it in my work clothes and yes, I got sweaty when I was at work.

So?  I looked a lot better -- hell, I was pretty hot.



Here's where part of the motivation came in -- another textversation!  Friend says that she wants to work out but can't afford the gym.  I start sending suggestions.  If it's too hot to walk outside (and it's no joke -- mad respect for those outdoor running nutjobs), then why not mall walk?  Or rent DVDs to work out inside.  Or Nike has a My Fitness App that is free.  I got a blow off, basically.

And then later it hit me -- I'm not even taking my own advice.  I'm kvetching because I haven't had time to go to the gym since Tuesday, but that's an excuse.  Okay, I won't get 7 or 8 activity points without working hard at the gym - but does that mean that I should just not get anything?  That doesn't compute.  I can't believe I fell into my same old routine of "I want to go run around the block and lose 10 lbs" that contributed to my slow weight loss to begin with.

No more.  I'm taking a page out of my inspiring WW friend's page and when I don't go to the gym, I'm going to exercise in other ways.  I stole her idea to do a step routine in my living room tonight.  I'm not as hard core as she is -- I just did 30 minutes.  But still, that is 30 minutes of exercise that I wasn't going to get otherwise.

The bottom line is the balance -- it is my new mantra.  I'm married to a Libra -- I'm not one!

 I need to be as diligent as possible with tracking and I need to make sure I'm getting just a little bit of activity in every day.  I think as long as I can stick to that I am going to see more consistent downward results.

I am going to try to stay accountable by reporting about it here.  Keep me honest and poke me when I don't have something up!

Thanks again friends for inspiring me -- let's get going!

Heather

It IS fair

Remember when I was telling my friend that I don't look at gaining .2 as a gain, that it was more like maintaining?  Of course you do, it just happened!  I'm struggling to remember my own sage advice now because I had an increase of .4 this week. It's really hard not to look at it as a real gain.  Deep in my heart, I know that this is nothing to sweat and I'm still trending in the right direction.

Deep, deep, deep down I know this...  Up top, it's hard not to be a little hard on myself.  To re-examine all of my missteps.  The primary one being living it up like a rock star on Saturday night.  Thinking that I was impervious.  I knew that it was going to show up.  I was talking to my work buddies about that today.  There were cookies and one of my buddies was indulging.  We calculated that points and she declared that it was worth it.  I generally don't indulge on weigh-in day, feeling superstitious that it will show up instantly with every high point thing I eat.  I didn't say exactly this, but did say that I was weighing in and wanted to cut back as much as possible.  I said that I was not expecting a good weigh in anyways and wanted to try to cut my losses.  My buddy, being a good buddy, asked why I thought so?  I reminded her of my rock star/bullet proof status on Saturday night and I knew that was going to be bad news.  And she uttered my favorite quote of the day, "For one night?!  That's just not fair!"

No, friend.  It's not fair.  But that's the point, isn't it?  She said it almost like the scale was punishing me and making me pay a tax for one night of frivolity.  Like I was nearly innocent.  But that's the thing -- I wasn't.  And while I don't want to hold myself over the fire for having one night that resulted in a week where I don't lose, nor can I pretend that those things don't matter.  That it isn't "fair."

Because it IS fair.  I didn't track that night and I played it a bit loose the rest of the weekend.  And what I preach to these work buddies (who are also having their own go at WW) is that if you don't track it -- you're not doing it.  I get up on my glorified soap box (when it's not being used to bitch about various work issues) and point fingers and preach.  It's annoying.  I get mad at myself when I do it.  I did this the last time I was on WW seriously.  It's not inspiring, it's just annoying.  Because, really what I need to do is step off the box, turn my finger around to myself and get right with my own self.  I know that it works when I do it, and I know it because I did it and it worked.

I'm not even close to letting this crush my spirit.  It's .4 for pity's sake.  But don't get it twisted -- even these minor setbacks are what I need to grit my teeth and be more committed to going forward.

I believe the word is glisten

As you've born witness to, I frequently track my workout times by uploading the photos here. I've currently got a backlog of them on my phone, so for your viewing pleasure here are some sweaty face shots for posterity with some mileage...

The Tide is High

When things are going well, I try to ride the wave.  I think it's important to milk the good vibes as long as I can, because it won't be long before I'm standing in the pantry with my head in a bag of Doritos.

But enough about Thursday.

I managed to get to the gym three times last week.  And I haven't been talking about my workouts, but they've been going pretty well.  I can run the first mile -- without stopping.  I can't even believe it myself.  I still can't believe it while it's happening.  I want to stop all the time but I realize that it's a mental thing.  I don't want to stop because I am in pain or can't breathe -- but just because my brain can't grasp the fact that I'm still going and I'm not in pain and can't breathe.  

So, I'm going to find another 5k to do this Fall and my goal is to run the whole thing.  (I know I say this a lot, but please realize that when I say "run" that my running is fast people's walking.)  There is a Zombie run in October that I've been thinking about a lot, but frankly I'm a little afraid of zombies so...  Good reason to run, though!

As for my diet, it's been going pretty well.  I lost another point in my daily target because I hit 195.  (Technically, 195.6, but whatever.)  I am not always great about keeping track, but I'm trying.  Every day is a new chance.  At heart, I'm still a decadent over-indulger (but enough about last night!) but I know this and knowing is half the battle.  I'm in it to win it, y'all...

Or to lose it -- either way.

Have a good week!

Heather

I Walk the Line

Today's blog post was brought you to you by a text-versation with a friend.  (Sidebar: in our techy world, why is there no short word for this?)  We were talking about WW.  She went to a meeting after having missed a week.  She had earlier anticipated a "huge" gain and said that she only gained .2.  Given what we have shared about our habits the last few weeks, I said that I never look at these little gains as true gains and really consider them more like maintaining.  She said I was "wise."  (Look, I'm just quoting in the interest of accurate reporting.)  I joked that, yes, I was in fact a fat sage.  And then further went on to say that this didn't stop me from beating myself up about it and wanting to punish myself with potato chips.  She said "shut up" and told me that I'd been looking amazing and that I should be proud.

And I said -- blog topic!  :)

I AM proud of myself.  I DO feel good about what I'm doing.  But just as my negative behaviors and thought patterns are addictive and enticing, the positive ones are too.  I get to feeling good and very proud of what I've done and how far I've come.  And here's the thing -- I'm not a religious person, as anyone knows, but I do understand why "pride" is a sin.  It leads to feelings of imperviousness.  I feel like I can do anything, accomplish anything -- and EAT anything.  And DRINK anything.  And that is the problem.

I can't.

So, I'm cognizant of the line I walk.  I want to be proud of what I've done and how much better I am looking and feeling.  But I also have to be aware that I have a ways to go until I get to my goal. If I am too proud of what I have done, then I lose sight of how much more I have to do.  But I also can't focus too much on that either because then it seems too big and I feel like I can't get there.  I have to maintain a very steady balance of being proud without being arrogant; of awareness of my successes without letting them cloud my judgement. I want to be "good" (ick, I can't find the prior link but you know how I feel about this) but I also want to be able to have fun and not be obsessing over points all the time.  I need to generally be balanced.  Something I have always struggled with.  I don't like the middle.  Billy Joel's "I Go To Extremes" has long been my personal theme song.

I'm not going to find the secret to solving this problem through the confines of writing this blog post.  I know this because it's taken me over an hour to puzzle it out and I'm still not feeling like I'm going to find a conclusion.  Take this away though -- when you see me in person, and you hear me being hard on myself know that I am aware that I am doing it.  Know that I want to stop and "make the voices in my head like me instead" (thank you Pink).  And know that many more of them do now than did before.  But, it's a long way to go because I struggle with liking myself devolving into arrogant overconfident cockiness which leads me to be impetuous and fall off track which leads me to overindulging and being lazy which usually eventually leads me to trying to crawl back out of that hole by exercising more, eating better so I can forgive myself and like myself again which devolves into being arrogant...  You get the idea.  


It turns out my line?  It's a circle.  :)


Ever your one and only,
Heather

Whew!

The only good thing about this is heat wave - it is impossible to crave carbs! I bet I'm down 2 at my next weigh in.

I've been really good. Well not REAL but certainly by any standards from before WW or where I was this time last summer. I'm down almost 10 from where I was last summer. (This is better than it sounds sort of... I spiked back up after summer and gained about 5-7 lbs prior to getting back slowly to the gym.) I am exercising lots more than I did AND finding ways to fit it. It's not as much as I would like but that's part of the progress too right?? I'm recognizing the reward I get from exercising and eating right and I want to do it more.

Progress people!!

Hugs,
Heather