My advance apologies if I am talking about you and something that you said to me. I am documenting my weight loss journey on the world wide web. I talk about the fact that I am eating healthier and trying to be more active. I am an unapologetic point counter and weighing checks and balances. It's not uncommon for people to make comments to me both positive and negative or just weird along the way.
I don't usually talk about those things that people say. I don't talk about them here because for one thing I'm posting things on the worldwide web and I chose to do that. They didn't choose to have me discuss these comments on the worldwide web. But on the other hand, it's not a secret.
My godmother says to me that she's worried because it seems like I'm getting down about my weight. Or I'm obsessing about it. I can't remember the exact word, but it was along these lines. I try to explain that I'm NOT obsessing, per se, but it has become a part of my life to try to be healthier. But frankly if she had been with me on this occasion or the other, she would not think by any stretch that I was being obsessed. (Frankly, I think this was in part projecting because she had spent some time with a friend whose daughter is anorexia.) I couldn't stop thinking about this part of the conversation later though, even though we talked for at least 30 minutes about all kinds of things. I've been every weight, she knows I've been every weight and she knows that I haven't been at a healthy weight for some time. Or just healthy body type. I'm not trying to get to be a size 0 here, I'm just trying to get to a weight which is considered healthy for my body type. Like size 10. Or even 12. I know that when I was in high school I thought I was fat even though I was a size 4 and the only thing fat about me was my hair. But that was over 20 years ago. I don't think I'm fat because I'm trying to meet some society standard of ideal body type -- I think I'm fat because I'm fat.
But I'm a lot less fat than I was a year ago. And I'm a lot fatter than I'm going to be a year from now, hopefully.
It maybe seems like I'm obsessing, because I'm on the internet talking about it. But that's a mostly anonymous outlet for me to spout out the stuff that I would otherwise be boring people to tears with. (Well, I already do, but think about how much worse it could be?)
Then there was the co-worker who was always trying to bribe me/thank me with chocolate, which I started declining because the 6 or 8 points or whatever wasn't worth it. I didn't want to pay for it. But she took it to mean that I'm all sacrificing everything and throwing myself on the alter of clean eating or something, because the other day she tried to bribe me/thank me by offering me (and I am not making this up) air popped unseasoned popcorn. I mean, really? That's all you got? At least find a Skinny Cow candy bar and try to fake the funk, man. Ridiculous.
Similar incident with mother in law coming for dinner the other night. She wanted to bring dessert, and I asked what she was going to bring so I could plan for it. It was something that I knew by the sound of it would be high in points so I said that I would just not have any. This definitely came across as being the wrong thing to say because then she decided not to bring it, even though there would be 3 other people eating who likely have enjoyed it. I felt guilty about that all day. I shouldn't have said anything and then just politely declined when the time came. Or sliced a piece you could read through. Or something. But because I am so used to sharing with people my eating habits and talking here about challenges, et cetera I just couldn't stop my big mouth. If you're reading this, I feel bad that I cake-blocked you -- it was not my intent!
But finally, in something good someone talked about, another co-worker told me that I gave her some inspiration and some encouragement to be honest with herself and get going. We didn't get the chance to talk much more than that, because I work in a call center and the phone rang and then the whole day ran away with the spoon -- but I knew it was going somewhere good. And I like that. Because there have been so many people along my journey who inspire me, so if I can be that person for somebody -- then that's the whole point of doing this in the first place, right? To misquote Mahatma Gandhi of all people, I should be the change I want to see in the world.
I am also trying to get better about being a better blogger -- I even have another post I'm working on about the highs and the lows.
hugs,
Heather
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