Frustration Rambling

Part of my frustration with myself is my lack of trying to do something to get my diet in line.  I don't mean go on a diet, I'm against that.  But to start paying attention to what I'm eating, controlling how much I'm eating (and drinking) and getting that under my control once and for all.

I have navigated away from writing about my journey for so many reasons.  I make proclamations (the Twitter experiment that wasn't ring any bells?) and then feel embarrassed that they're out there on the web.  I stopped posting my weight, because it stopped changing.  A major source of frustration, more on this.  I feel like I only talk about minor or major gym victories (too many links to bother here).  And even when I commit to writing more and even dowloaded an app for ever-present phone, I still haven't committed.

I am frustrated with myself.  One of the primary reasons is my weight not changing.  It will occasionally drop a pound or two, but it always goes back up to where it was.  Granted, at least I'm staying there, but I would like to drop a pound or two and then stay THERE.  That's the frustration.  I know I weigh myself too often (every day is definitely not the recommended amount), but I also know that when I don't know every day where it is then I get complacent.  I may have "only" lost 20 lbs last year, but at least that 20 lbs is staying off no matter what!

Here is what I see as the three MAJOR obstacles to overcoming this plateau I seem to be rooted in and figure out the way out.  One, I need to be accountable for the food and beverages I am consuming.  I know about how many calories I'm burning a day, but I don't know how many I'm taking in because I am NOT being honest with myself.  But for whatever reason I seem to chronically allergic to starting tracking again.  I have at least 3 apps in my phone for this as we speak and can't seem to do it.  Action plan:  I'm going to try to kick it old school and write it down in a little notebook.  I'm going to try to start just by getting in the habit of writing things down without measuring like I will eventually.  The first step is just being honest that I'm eating whatever I'm eating or drinking what I'm drinking.  I will start tomorrow morning.

Two, I need to branch out my exercise.  I cannot continue to only do cardio all the time and expect to see any changes.  I need to start incorporating some strength training if I really want to see my body change the way it was starting to during the body challenge last year.  I am weighing options on how to attack this, but I think ultimately I am planning on getting a personal trainer for a while to start kicking me in to shape. 

The biggest obstacle?  Me, of course.  I still do not believe that I am meant to be a healthy, active person.  I feel doomed to a life of couch potato-dom and can't seem to turn my mental game around.  Any tips on an action plan here would be greatly appreciated.  How do I get my head engaged and believing that I can physically do more than I do -- and motivated to try and do it?  Because right now, the mental push-ups I have to do to go back to the gym after missing a few days are incredibly rigorous and remind me me of just how weak that mental motivator muscle still is. 

That's all for now -- lots of love!
Heather