Why would you do that after all of your hard work?!

I have a coworker friend that we'll just call Susan, because that's her name. She is also one of my 4 readers and the reason behind many of my blog topics. We'll have a conversation and it will find its way here. She listens to and supports all of my highs AND lows.

This past Friday night I had another one of my famous backslides. And I'm not really even so far ahead that we can be calling them BACKslides yet can we?? I digress. I partied hearty. I tracked some of it, but after your (ahem, throat clearing)th shot you tend to lose track. This caused me to be in such a bad state Saturday that I not only didnt get my makeup workout in, I ate a lot of crap that I normally wouldn't have just to try to feel normal again. It was regrettable and ugly. There were some extenuating circumstances behind the extreme living it up partying that I'm not going to get into but lets just say it was a group effort and we were carpe-ing the diem big time. And whatever, there is always an excuse. I can justify any bad behavior anytime. (I can name that tune in 3 notes!!)

When I confessed my bad behavior to Susan, after she posed her standard morning "and how are you?" -- she replied with the blog title, why did you do that after all of your hard work?!

Well, and here is where I could denounce my brazen ways and then wax poetic about how I'm going to do better and be better and whatever. And there would be truth in both of those sentiments.  But, let's face it --  I'm not going to be that girl who has a life-changing epiphany and suddenly runs marathons and eats raw food and stops drinking and always skips dessert and always measures portions and never has seconds. I am not that girl. Shit, I don't even want to be that girl. Can you imagine if I were?! First, how boring would I be and more importantly how boring would my blog be?!

I believe one day I am going to get to my goal weight. I promise that I am never going to stop reaching for that dream. Never stop trying to improve and evolve. That's who I am too. Does that dream change with one weekend of overindulgence and regret? No. Past history tells me that it's multiple days and weekends ad nauseum that lead up to giving up on myself. It's giving up on myself that leads to giving up on myself.

If I try to be that girl who doesn't make mistakes and is always on point - that's a bigger recipe for failure than my weekend binges. In fact, I'll also say that one ingredient that led to my demise was just such a thing. I had spent the week being on the wagon and as soon as I could cut loose - I cut loose. Like a run amok Macy's Parade balloon, I was gone!  My usual plan of action is to incorporate a little bit of daily indulgence (read as: 1-2 glasses of wine) instead of cold turkey during the week.  That's right, kids -- this is not an amateur move.  Only I could figure out a way to justify why I need to drink more instead of less. :)

So, why would I do that after all that hard work?

Well, if for no other reason, so I could have something to write about to Susan and my 3 other readers.  Have a great week!

(((HUGS)))

Heather