Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Backslide...?
Last post was written after I'd already been indulging at the wedding a scosh. Although the time stamp seems off...
Anyways... It would seem that this week is representing a bit of a backslide for me. I'm trying to get my traction and dig in and push past it, but it's been really hard.
First, last week I "only" lost a pound. And yes, I know losing a pound is better than gaining, but it's still challenging. I am not unconditionally under 220 yet because of the overindulgences. More on this in a second.
Second, my backslide seems to have carried its evil way into my cardio. I was really starting to get a momentum going. Last week, I worked out every day and did 40 minutes on the treadmill for 3 days and 30 minutes on the elliptical the other days. It was a little rough, but I pushed through it. This week, I feel like I'm starting all over with my battle with the dreadmill. I can't go for more than 15 minutes without my calves tightening to the point of difficulty walking. When this was happening last week, I either slowed down significantly or stopped and stretched out and I was able to get past it. But I haven't been able to stretch past it so far this week. And there's that 5k looming over me.
So now, even though it's only been a couple of days, I'm starting to dread going to work out. Because I can't help but think, what if I never get past this? What if this always hurts and I'm just this wimp forever? And I get harder and harder on myself and it contributes to this downward spiral that doesn't lead to anywhere good.
It's still part of that emotional thing. I think I should be able to do this. In fact, my girlfriend and I went walking on Sunday and I had to slow her down significantly. She said, "I thought you'd be zooming past me with all this time you're spending at the gym." Nope, I'm just going to the gym so I can get to the point of zooming past you.
I think that part of the build up is the 5k looming. If it weren't coming, I wouldn't sweat not being able to walk on the treadmill. I'd just keep trying to do it until I could do it and work out on the elliptical and the bike in between. But because I know I'm just days away from doing this 5k, I'm freaking out. What if I can't do it? What if I can't finish?
What if I'm just same old disappointing Heather again?
It's a tough battle. It gets lonely.
And I am sure that this is part of the overindulgences. It's easy to give in and not fight temptation. It's easy to sabotage myself. That's my wheelhouse, right?
I know that I need to start keeping some motivational sticky notes and pictures on my mirror or something but I'm not even sure if that would work.
I think I may be getting some kind of mental cold. This happens sometimes, it's like the sniffles in my brain. A mild form of the blues. I keep waiting for the exercise endorphins to kick in and make me feel like I can cure cancer, but so far they haven't been kicking in.
I don't want to give up. I'm not going to give up. But I am really frustrated with my body right now and I just need to figure out how to get it to behave. That's all.
Anyways... It would seem that this week is representing a bit of a backslide for me. I'm trying to get my traction and dig in and push past it, but it's been really hard.
First, last week I "only" lost a pound. And yes, I know losing a pound is better than gaining, but it's still challenging. I am not unconditionally under 220 yet because of the overindulgences. More on this in a second.
Second, my backslide seems to have carried its evil way into my cardio. I was really starting to get a momentum going. Last week, I worked out every day and did 40 minutes on the treadmill for 3 days and 30 minutes on the elliptical the other days. It was a little rough, but I pushed through it. This week, I feel like I'm starting all over with my battle with the dreadmill. I can't go for more than 15 minutes without my calves tightening to the point of difficulty walking. When this was happening last week, I either slowed down significantly or stopped and stretched out and I was able to get past it. But I haven't been able to stretch past it so far this week. And there's that 5k looming over me.
So now, even though it's only been a couple of days, I'm starting to dread going to work out. Because I can't help but think, what if I never get past this? What if this always hurts and I'm just this wimp forever? And I get harder and harder on myself and it contributes to this downward spiral that doesn't lead to anywhere good.
It's still part of that emotional thing. I think I should be able to do this. In fact, my girlfriend and I went walking on Sunday and I had to slow her down significantly. She said, "I thought you'd be zooming past me with all this time you're spending at the gym." Nope, I'm just going to the gym so I can get to the point of zooming past you.
I think that part of the build up is the 5k looming. If it weren't coming, I wouldn't sweat not being able to walk on the treadmill. I'd just keep trying to do it until I could do it and work out on the elliptical and the bike in between. But because I know I'm just days away from doing this 5k, I'm freaking out. What if I can't do it? What if I can't finish?
What if I'm just same old disappointing Heather again?
It's a tough battle. It gets lonely.
And I am sure that this is part of the overindulgences. It's easy to give in and not fight temptation. It's easy to sabotage myself. That's my wheelhouse, right?
I know that I need to start keeping some motivational sticky notes and pictures on my mirror or something but I'm not even sure if that would work.
I think I may be getting some kind of mental cold. This happens sometimes, it's like the sniffles in my brain. A mild form of the blues. I keep waiting for the exercise endorphins to kick in and make me feel like I can cure cancer, but so far they haven't been kicking in.
I don't want to give up. I'm not going to give up. But I am really frustrated with my body right now and I just need to figure out how to get it to behave. That's all.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
rough draft
Saturday is blow diet day. good thing because brandl wedding day -- awesomeness!!
talking about 5 k. can't believe it's like 2 weeks away. freaking out. want to do something BIG. want to take limo to event and then go to founder's inn and get spa treatment and eat big buffet and stay in awesome room and "make love in a hammock!"
scott says, no - we should get a helicopter! and fly it from our private vinyard...
I mean, really -- does he have to mock my dreams all the time??
talking about 5 k. can't believe it's like 2 weeks away. freaking out. want to do something BIG. want to take limo to event and then go to founder's inn and get spa treatment and eat big buffet and stay in awesome room and "make love in a hammock!"
scott says, no - we should get a helicopter! and fly it from our private vinyard...
I mean, really -- does he have to mock my dreams all the time??
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Mental Part
Yesterday was the second official team workout for our biggest loser challenge. By their scales, I am down a total of 9 lbs since the challenge started. Woot!
I got to the gym a little bit early and after my weigh in I was talking to some of the ladies about their progress. One of the ladies was talking about the mental part of it. She said that she was really working on "the mental part." And this is something that I have been talking to a lot of my friends about this week, so I thought I'd write about it here.
Because, I think the "mental part" in a weight loss/fitness journey is inevitably going to be different for everyone, but I also think that there are common phases that we all go through. I think this commonality that makes the journey universally understandable for anyone who has gone through it. But when you say the mental part is hard, and I say it is -- I know we're talking about different things.
Here is MY mental part:
Let me start by re-emphasizing that before this year I had NEVER engaged in any kind of regular work-out routine, ever. When I previously lost 50 lbs, I was using Weight Watchers and I was much more active than I had been. I was walking about 30 minutes a day on my breaks and had also incorporated some strength training, but it wasn't hardcore. I wasn't breaking a sweat really, and I certainly was never challenging myself. If someone told me to do a 5k, I would have probably said, "Oh, that sounds like something I might be able to do one day..." I certainly would not have started trying to prepare for it.
And so my mental part is right now is kind of weird. I carry a certain amount of pride that I have started exercising and with my accomplishments. But I am also very impatient with the process. I'm mentally ready to do this, so why is my body not going along? Why do I have to walk a 3.3 when I should be doing a 4.0? Why do I still get cramps and get worn out? Doesn't my body know that I'm ready to do this? Why is it not getting with the program??
And my frustration with myself for not being able to do more NOW lends itself to darker places. Like jealousy over other people's accomplishments and abilities to do things. Like Scott being up to a 4 minute mile at a walk/run already. It's not that I'm not extremely proud of what he's doing, but I'm more than a little envious that we started at the same time and he's already so much further ahead of me. It's hard to remember that he was in much better shape than me when we started because of all the work he does outside in the yard and gardening. And he has FAR less to lose to get to the top of his target weight range as I do -- about half in fact. So, he's not carrying as much on his frame as I am. So, it's a mixed bag with him because I have to remember these things but he is also trying to push me to do a little more than I think I can. And usually he's right. But it's important for me to remember that I can't do as much as he can yet.
Yet.
But this is definitely my biggest mental challenge. The tightrope between making sure that I'm working out "hard enough" to make a difference, but not so hard that I get hurt or that I completely dread doing it. Right now, I'm not at the dread point at all. I've already started being awake when the alarm goes off. I'm setting goals for myself and not trying to make crazy stretch goals -- but constantly trying out new ways to keep myself motivated. I'm open to new ideas and encouragement and a little butt-kicking from time to time.
It's funny because I don't think about the food part of it that much at all. I'm tracking what I eat with an app on my phone. For the most part, I'm staying pretty well within my daily target range. Saturday is "blow-diet" day in the Lee house. We relax our eating habits and drink. Sunday is the turn. We're somewhat relaxed but I try to get the reins back on and if I drink, I only do so with dinner. I'm not planning on blowing my diet EVERY Saturday, but I want to have the freedom built in so I can compensate for it the rest of the week.
The reason I mention my diet was because during one of the ladies in the group asked me what I had been eating last week. I really struggled with an answer. Food? I've eaten all kinds of things. The spinach pie was featured in a couple of meals. Some chicken. Protein shakes. Chili. Fruits. Why? What are you eating??
I'll be more focused on the eating when the body challenge is over, because then I think it's going to be more important. Plus my plan is to go back to Weight Watchers once this is over, so I can finally achieve lifetime status and never have to pay again!
My goal this week is to do 40 minutes of cardio every morning and to do strength training 3 times, so I'm more prepared on Saturday!
Wish me luck!
In it to win it,
Heather
I got to the gym a little bit early and after my weigh in I was talking to some of the ladies about their progress. One of the ladies was talking about the mental part of it. She said that she was really working on "the mental part." And this is something that I have been talking to a lot of my friends about this week, so I thought I'd write about it here.
Because, I think the "mental part" in a weight loss/fitness journey is inevitably going to be different for everyone, but I also think that there are common phases that we all go through. I think this commonality that makes the journey universally understandable for anyone who has gone through it. But when you say the mental part is hard, and I say it is -- I know we're talking about different things.
Here is MY mental part:
Let me start by re-emphasizing that before this year I had NEVER engaged in any kind of regular work-out routine, ever. When I previously lost 50 lbs, I was using Weight Watchers and I was much more active than I had been. I was walking about 30 minutes a day on my breaks and had also incorporated some strength training, but it wasn't hardcore. I wasn't breaking a sweat really, and I certainly was never challenging myself. If someone told me to do a 5k, I would have probably said, "Oh, that sounds like something I might be able to do one day..." I certainly would not have started trying to prepare for it.
And so my mental part is right now is kind of weird. I carry a certain amount of pride that I have started exercising and with my accomplishments. But I am also very impatient with the process. I'm mentally ready to do this, so why is my body not going along? Why do I have to walk a 3.3 when I should be doing a 4.0? Why do I still get cramps and get worn out? Doesn't my body know that I'm ready to do this? Why is it not getting with the program??
And my frustration with myself for not being able to do more NOW lends itself to darker places. Like jealousy over other people's accomplishments and abilities to do things. Like Scott being up to a 4 minute mile at a walk/run already. It's not that I'm not extremely proud of what he's doing, but I'm more than a little envious that we started at the same time and he's already so much further ahead of me. It's hard to remember that he was in much better shape than me when we started because of all the work he does outside in the yard and gardening. And he has FAR less to lose to get to the top of his target weight range as I do -- about half in fact. So, he's not carrying as much on his frame as I am. So, it's a mixed bag with him because I have to remember these things but he is also trying to push me to do a little more than I think I can. And usually he's right. But it's important for me to remember that I can't do as much as he can yet.
Yet.
But this is definitely my biggest mental challenge. The tightrope between making sure that I'm working out "hard enough" to make a difference, but not so hard that I get hurt or that I completely dread doing it. Right now, I'm not at the dread point at all. I've already started being awake when the alarm goes off. I'm setting goals for myself and not trying to make crazy stretch goals -- but constantly trying out new ways to keep myself motivated. I'm open to new ideas and encouragement and a little butt-kicking from time to time.
It's funny because I don't think about the food part of it that much at all. I'm tracking what I eat with an app on my phone. For the most part, I'm staying pretty well within my daily target range. Saturday is "blow-diet" day in the Lee house. We relax our eating habits and drink. Sunday is the turn. We're somewhat relaxed but I try to get the reins back on and if I drink, I only do so with dinner. I'm not planning on blowing my diet EVERY Saturday, but I want to have the freedom built in so I can compensate for it the rest of the week.
The reason I mention my diet was because during one of the ladies in the group asked me what I had been eating last week. I really struggled with an answer. Food? I've eaten all kinds of things. The spinach pie was featured in a couple of meals. Some chicken. Protein shakes. Chili. Fruits. Why? What are you eating??
I'll be more focused on the eating when the body challenge is over, because then I think it's going to be more important. Plus my plan is to go back to Weight Watchers once this is over, so I can finally achieve lifetime status and never have to pay again!
My goal this week is to do 40 minutes of cardio every morning and to do strength training 3 times, so I'm more prepared on Saturday!
Wish me luck!
In it to win it,
Heather
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Just call me Sweaty in the Morning
I've started working out in the morning before work. That has been a challenge. I'm not a morning person, to say the least. But, since I LOVE getting it over with, I've been sucking it up and going. Today was my 3rd day in a row. And it is getting easier already.
Well, not the working out. I am still struggling to get through my cardio. I did 40 minutes today and it was a push. I even bought new shoes because I thought my problem was that I wasn't properly supported, but I still couldn't do the whole time on the dreadmill.
I asked Scott his opinion about machine jumping and he was against it, because he said you can't keep your target heart rate up if you're changing from machine to machine. I say that I can't keep it up if I have to stop every 2 minutes because my calves are screaming either, can I?
Which really makes me afraid about the 5k. I am really dreading it. Well, maybe dread is the wrong word, but I'm so nervous that I'm not going to finish or I'm going to be last. I just don't want to be the fat girl in gym.
Again.
Which is ironic because back when I took PE in school, I was not fat but I thought I was (because I was a teenager) and I was not in good shape. I couldn't run then either. And I didn't have the kind of confidence that I have now that I'm old and wise, so I couldn't fake my way through it either.
So, I think that I need to face the fact that I may not be able to run this 5k on March 12, that I may have to walk it. Rome wasn't built in a day and this ass ain't coming off in a week. I need to accept that. It is not going to be a short, sweet process. I can't do the Boston Marathon tomorrow. If I'm going to be able to finish the 5k and not be embarrassed, first I have to be able to walk and keep walking at a good pace.
Tomorrow, I am going to get on the dreadmill and I'm going to stay on for at least 30 minutes even if I have to slow to a crawl to get through it. I'm in it to win it -- but the it is ME!
winningly,
Heather
PS: Really my ultimate goal is to someday be half as inspiring as Ms. Bitchcakes is. It's her blog that got me turned on to weight loss blogging in the first place. I mean, the woman runs and climbs the Empire State Building in full hair and make-up. Me, I just want my blog to be as pretty as hers!
Well, not the working out. I am still struggling to get through my cardio. I did 40 minutes today and it was a push. I even bought new shoes because I thought my problem was that I wasn't properly supported, but I still couldn't do the whole time on the dreadmill.
I asked Scott his opinion about machine jumping and he was against it, because he said you can't keep your target heart rate up if you're changing from machine to machine. I say that I can't keep it up if I have to stop every 2 minutes because my calves are screaming either, can I?
Which really makes me afraid about the 5k. I am really dreading it. Well, maybe dread is the wrong word, but I'm so nervous that I'm not going to finish or I'm going to be last. I just don't want to be the fat girl in gym.
Again.
Which is ironic because back when I took PE in school, I was not fat but I thought I was (because I was a teenager) and I was not in good shape. I couldn't run then either. And I didn't have the kind of confidence that I have now that I'm old and wise, so I couldn't fake my way through it either.
So, I think that I need to face the fact that I may not be able to run this 5k on March 12, that I may have to walk it. Rome wasn't built in a day and this ass ain't coming off in a week. I need to accept that. It is not going to be a short, sweet process. I can't do the Boston Marathon tomorrow. If I'm going to be able to finish the 5k and not be embarrassed, first I have to be able to walk and keep walking at a good pace.
Tomorrow, I am going to get on the dreadmill and I'm going to stay on for at least 30 minutes even if I have to slow to a crawl to get through it. I'm in it to win it -- but the it is ME!
winningly,
Heather
PS: Really my ultimate goal is to someday be half as inspiring as Ms. Bitchcakes is. It's her blog that got me turned on to weight loss blogging in the first place. I mean, the woman runs and climbs the Empire State Building in full hair and make-up. Me, I just want my blog to be as pretty as hers!
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