Offline?

I'm thinking about not blogging anymore. So naturally I need to blog about this.

I started blogging about my weight loss journey in a gung-ho phase of my life. That got sidetracked. I started going back to the gym in September and have been sporadically working out since then. I think my average is twice a week. Sometimes even less and usually not a whole lot more.

Now I feel like I'm mainly blogging about my journeys to the gym. Maybe it always was. I don't know. I don't re-read this shit. :)

But I'm not doing anything about my diet and therefore I'm not losing weight. And I can't seem to commit to doing anything about my diet. I tried the TWIE. It lasted half a day. I felt like an idiot tweeting what I ate. (Truth be told I feel like an idiot when I use twitter period but whatever.)

I've thought about talking about what it's like to be a fat girl, but the truth is that when I do really think about what that's like it's usually too much of a bummer to publicize. It's definitely the dark side of the moon... Maybe I just stay where I'm at and talk about that, but that's not much of a journey is it?

So. I'm not sure. I will tell you when/if it's official but I just wanted to keep you in the loop...

Hugs,
Heather

TWIE me

Why does the turning of a year evoke all of these attempts to change our entire lives?  What is that about??  I'm sure there's someone who knows and would tell me, but I'm really just being rhetorical.

As I mentioned, I joined a challenge on Facebook to run/walk 500 miles in 2012.  I'm starting off pretty slow at it, having only finished 6 miles last week.  But, I've decided that a challenge is not called a challenge because it's something easy to do, so I'm not just going to give up.  This week, I have walked/ran 3.35 miles, mostly because I had a shoe breakthrough.  I was wearing a pair of shoes that I had purchased earlier this year and was doggedly sticking to them because I just didn't want to admit that I wasted money -- and that I was so wrong about my feet needs.  Turns out that I under-pronate slightly, which means that my feet have a tendency to roll out a bit.  I have fairly high arches and wide feet, so I guess it makes sense that I'm rolling out to where I have some meat on my feet.  :)  This was causing me to get calf cramps, especially my left leg.  (Which has its own issues that I still don't know how to explain or resolve, perhaps some other blog.)  I believed that this was due to the fact that I thought that I over-pronated and bought shoes that were stability designed -- extra support along the arch area.  What I really needed were neutral shoes, which have no such additional "lift."  On Tuesday, I finally decided to try an older, flatter pair of shoes -- and had an awesome work-out!  I was so inspired that I went out on lunch and used a Christmas gift card to get my new running shoes -- and had an even more amazing workout today!  2.27 miles in 32 minutes -- a personal record! 

But about those attempts to change our lives...  When I'm not praying for death during my work-outs, I'm usually making adrenaline fueled promises to myself that I break as soon as the adrenaline wears off.  Usually it's related to getting on to another phase in self-improvement.  Especially related to diet and trying to come up with a plan to get my eating and drinking habits under a better control so that I can start losing weight again.  But no matter how easy it is to track my diet through trackers on my phone, I just can't seem to commit to doing it all the time.  I will try for a day or so and then just quit. 

Here's what I've been thinking about doing...  Twitter has some followers who "TWIET" (twitter what I eat on Tuesday) and some who just TWIE (twitter what I eat).  What I've been contemplating is starting to do this.  I tend to be pretty good about using social media sites and pretending like people care deeply about my life, but I almost never use my existing Twitter account so this might make a good use of it...  Even if it's not tracking the calories, I just need to get in the habit of writing down what I eat.  Because, as we all know I am all about the baby steps. 

So, if you want to follow on, I'm @heatherparslee (it's a play on my maiden and married names AND my Spark People name for the challenge).  I don't have a public account but you just have to request to follow and I'll let you on. 

TWIE me!
Heather

A Cinderella story

I got new shoes and I walk/ran 2.27 miles in 32 minutes.

Whoosh!

Apologies to Dan Fogeldinckwhatever

If I could save endorphins in a bottle,
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every workout til eternity passes just to release them from my alarm clock so I could get up and do the workout.... Uh with you....

Okay it doesn't have the same flow.

And it was Jim Croce I know.

Whatever, I didn't say that being up early made me brainy smart! :)

Resolving to commit to an affirmation

Unlike most foolish people, I rarely make New Year's resolutions.  I recognize that they are usually broken and then serve to remind us of yet another way in which we have broken yet another commitment to ourselves.  The only resolution that I make is usually not to make a resolution.  I have NEVER broken this resolution when made.

2012 will be no exception.  This year I committed to getting healthier and working on myself.  I fell down a bit on that job, but I've been reaffirming more lately and intend to reaffirm more after the hubbub of the holidays.  If this happens to fall on January 1, then so be it.  I refuse to look at it as a resolution though, more like a reaffirmation.  Maybe I'm just being fancy with words but I don't care.

I signed up for a challenge on Facebook to move 500 miles in one year.  When I initially signed up, I thought it was literally just moving, and it was only upon the final sign up through Spark People (this is how the group has decided to log its miles) that I realized that they only mean run/walk. 

Ooops.

And the group is a mixed bag -- people like me who are struggling and then your runners who were so pumped from their 5 mile run this morning that they decided to 6 tonight.  Um, what??

I can't try to compete with those people.  I'm not going to compete with those people.  I figure if I am even TRYING to walk (much less run) an average of 10 miles a week, then I'm going to be in better shape and generally feel better about myself.

Maybe I'll see the number on the scale change, but you know what?  Maybe I never will.  I'm trying to think about that in a new way too.  Obviously, I want to be in the One-derland (still hanging around the 210 mark, which is a minor victory considering the holiday temptations that I don't always pass up) but what if I am walking/running 10 miles a week and doing so without feeling like I'm going to die during or after?  Isn't THAT the key thing? 

It's easy to think that here by myself in front of the computer.  It's another to think it when I'm hanging out in a room full of skinny people. 

It's something I resolve to continue to work on, think about, and write to you about!

Since this is likely the last post for this year, I'd like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy New Year!

much love,

Heather

Deep thoughts...

The thing I like about working out is that for that 30 minutes and the afterglow - however long that lasts - I have beaten the fat girl in my head into submission.

Laugh of the day