Funny thing about that sassy post, it had a bit of a bad outcome. I was feeling so sassy that I decided to wear my cute boot-shoes (what the heck are those things called? Booties? Booes?) that night instead of my more sensible tennis shoes... That decision was made despite the fact that we had to walk a few blocks back and forth to the metro (we were in DC). The fashion over function debate that all women face whenever there is an outing. Yeah, bad decision. I have wound up straining or pulling or something to my left calf and STILL cannot stand up without a bit of a "unh" that is OH so sexy!
So, consequently, I have been skipping the gym. Because let's be honest, I'm still at that stage (aka my entire life) where getting a hangnail seems like a good reason to go the gym. It gets better and easier, but then anything happens and I'm right back to being ready to just embrace fatness again. To paraphrase Kiosk, most of the easiest, most relaxing times are when I decide to just keep it on. And I struggle with that a lot. After the sassy post, we spent some time with Scott's sister, because she was the reason we went to DC. She is teeny tiny thin and it's impossible not to feel like a dumpy giant next to her. Even though I knew that it's not even physically possible to be that thin, not that I would ever even want to do the amount of work that it would take to stay that thin -- I just felt frumpy. And I've been trying to shake off that ghost since then.
And it's particularly hard to shake the feeling when I'm NOT feeling like going to the gym. Or when I'm wearing one of my favorite outfits and catch a look in the mirror and think that I so do not look as cute in mirrors as I feel in my head and how grotesquely unfair is that. Because then my favorite outfit isn't my favorite outfit anymore?? Which means I have to go shopping and who wants to shop when they feel frumpy??
One of the things I've really been focusing on to try to shake the frumpiness is one of my epiphanies about what I have accomplished this year. In one of my earliest confessions I told you that my weight was 230.8. That was when I was getting ready to join Weight Watchers the first time. Since I have started trying to re-focus, I have been weighing myself daily (more on this in another blog) and I've stayed hovering around the 210 mark. My lowest this year was 204. I've been focusing on the fact that I gained 6 lbs back, but I have decided to shift my thinking and realize that despite all of my jumping off the wagon I have managed to keep off 20 lbs this year. That is 2 pounds a month. Most people would not be happy with losing 2 pounds a month and I say -- good on you! If you can lose more AND keep it off for good, that is great. But I've been there. I've lost 50 pounds. 50. That's not easy and (obviously) it's not easy to keep it off. If I continue to average 2 lbs a month until I get to a size I'm comfortable with, I think that's an average that is sustainable for a lifetime. Maybe I'll get to a point where I get more focused and want to lose more. And then, good on future me!
But as for present me -- I'm just trying to find life support to get out of this frumpy feeling and get back to sassssy.
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