Seriously, where the f* have you been...?

Hello....  hello...?


Yeah.  I stopped blogging.  I know.  I'm the one who did it, so you don't have to keep telling me, okay? It's kind of like people telling me I'm funny, like I don't know.  Most of the funny things I say, I say to amuse myself and I'm delighted if you happen to be amused too.  ;-)

If you had to guess the reason for the absence, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard. I fell off the wagon -- hard.

I had a big heaping, nasty tasting dose of reality and let me just tell you kids -- it ain't for suckers.  Staying on any kind of exercise or diet routine is difficult under ideal circumstances, especially since I was never someone who self-motivated well.  So, trying to stay on track while I was gone for so long and then returning home to bumps in the road...

I wound up being on CAT duty for about 5 weeks.  I returned home on May 23.  I worked out twice the entire time I was gone, but I did try to watch what I ate.  During the last part of my duty, I was sent to learn how to adjust hail damage claims so I was climbing a lot of roofs and much more active then if I was doing what I did in the first half of my duty.  This contributed to me not only being able to maintain what I had lost up until I left for CAT duty, but also managed to drop another 4 lbs.  I attribute this in part to the decision to purchase a scale when I arrived at my last destination so I could stay on top of my weight. 

Upon returning home, I had a multitude of excuses for why I couldn't go back to the gym right away.  I planned to go right after Memorial Day, treating Memorial Day like the New Year's Eve of summer I called it...  Then over Memorial Day weekend I got horrifically sunburned and the idea of putting on tight clothing and exerting myself (one of my worst burns was the top of my feet -- where I neglected to put suntan lotion) was just too much to bear.  Then when I just had started to recover from that, I developed some kind of summer chest congestion with difficulty breathing and a lovely cough and stuffed nose.  Can't really exercise if you can't breathe...  When that finally abated, I frankly just had a bad case of the lazies.  I was already out of the habit and finding the will again was getting harder and harder.  And THEN -- my mom broke her hip and there was/is hospitals, rehab, drama which lends itself to a whole lot of drinking and not a lot of exercising.  Sure, it's a great tension reliever -- if you can make yourself go!!

SO.  Here we are, now a full month that I have been home from CAT duty and still not back at the gym training for that triathlon.  I have still maintained a minimum 20 lb weight loss and fluctuate down to almost 24, but not in the Onederland yet.  I want to be healthy and I want to be active, but when life bitch slaps you around it can be super hard to get motivated to get back on track.

BUT, I have some NSV's -- found a pair of white capri pants that fit and look good (any fat girl will tell you how hard this is), planning a VERY active vacation that we leave for next week and have generally maintained fairly good eating habits -- except for the drinking.  My new resolution is to get back to the gym when we get back from vacation.  I'm ready to get back in the habit and treat myself right again.  Some of the motivating factors have been the handful of people who do read my blog and tell me how motivating they think I am and how much they appreciate my sharing what I'm going through.  That really means a lot to me and helps me get focused on what's important -- ME!  And also, friends that I have that are in the same boat.  I had a chat with a girlfriend at work today who was beating herself up about how much she's let herself go and how unhappy she is with where she is.  She finally joined a gym and has started going.  And I basically told her (and now, you -- my 4 readers) -- forget the past.  It doesn't matter.  You are wasting energy beating yourself up for basically being a human female.  Life happens and when you have a lot on your plate, you want to put a lot on your plate!  Just accept the fact that you made these mistakes and then find the way to move forward and congratulate yourself for any step you take in the right direction.  Even if you "only" went to the gym one day this week, that was probably one day more than you went the week before.  And I bet one more day than you really felt like going -- am I right?  But you went anyways.  THAT'S the point.  Every teeny tiny thing you do does count -- it may not make the scale move quickly, but it's a step in regaining your confidence in yourself that you can do this thing.

Because you know what, we CAN do this thing!  Now get out there and let's kick some ass...  I mean, after I get back from vacation...